Friday, December 21, 2012

There is always a catch! Life is a catch! I suggest you catch it while you can!

Hey y'all, Big Daddy Qun a.k.a. Something Awful dot com forums poster Shadow Isaac here with the blog you've all been demanding.

Posted in mind-November an unassuming thread entitled "Darker. Sexier. Better. Let's Play Dragon Age 2!" telling the story of amoral wisecracking alcoholic Valerie Hawke and her rise to power in the bustling metropolis of Kirkwall quickly took the Let's Play subforum by storm, eventually racking up over 6,000 posts, 750,000 views and 900 votes. Unfortunately a candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long, as the thread was unjustly snuffed out by the highly qualified and responsive moderation of Something Awful, who cited "low-effort," "derailing," and "shitty posting" as their justifications for gassing the thread and banning people who kept bringing it up or questioning the decision. Far be it for me to question the decisions of the crack moderation staff of the most troll-free forum on the internet, so instead I have created this blog to share this epic with the world at large and create a safe zone for discussion of RPG Mechanics, Mass Effect 3 spoilers and David Gaider's slash fanfiction.

I'll be trying to keep this update at the top of the blog with an index linking to each individual post, as I doubt anyone's going to want to go through several hundred updates in reverse order. Enjoy the saga of the Champion of Kirkwall and please bear with me, I haven't used blogspot in roughly 4 years.

And Here My Troubles Began
The Legend Begins
This is the Tutorial pt. 1
This is the Tutorial pt. 2
This is the Tutorial pt. 3
INTERLUDE: On Dialogue
This is the Tutorial: The End
Enter Dwarfman
The Dalish Mistake pt.1
The Dalish Mistake pt.2
The Dalish Mistake: Epilogue
The Plot, Much Like My Vomit, Thickens
Desperately Seeking Storyline
RENEGADE INTERRUPT
Finally, It's Happened To Me
My Faggot Son
Love And Death In Lowtown
SQUEEEEE
Big Gaider Is Watching
Get Out Of Here A.N.D.E.R.S. pt.1
Get Out Of Here A.N.D.E.R.S. pt.2
Get Out Of Here A.N.D.E.R.S. pt.3
The Bloodmage Jihad: There Is No Head Writer But Gaider And Hepler Is His Prophet
Introducing The Bone Pit
Hawke's Gotta Get Paid: Part The First 
God Is Empty Just Like Me
YOU HAVE COME TO A WORLD CALLED GOR
A Plague Burned Upon My Very Harddrive pt.1
A Plague Burned Upon My Very Harddrive pt.2
I'm Valerie Hawke And This Is My Favorite Whorehouse In The Citadel
Hawke's Gotta Get Paid: Part The Second
My Disease Is Doing Push-Ups In The Parking Lot
David Gaider's From Hell pt.1
David Gaider's From Hell pt.2
Kirkwall Babylon
Permabanned Pedophile The Eye Of Andraste pt.1
Permabanned Pedophile The Eye Of Andraste pt.2
I Hope You Like to Fuck pt.1
I Hope You Like To Fuck pt.2
The Bloodmage Whore Sage pt.1
The Bloodmage Whore Saga pt.2
The Bloodmage Whore Saga pt.3
The Bloodmage Whore Saga pt.4
The Bloodmage Whore Saga pt.5
The Bloodmage Whore Saga: Epilogue
Kirkwall: Life On The Street
I Don't Eat, I Don't Sleep, I Do Nothing But Think Of You
Balls Deep pt.1
Balls Deep pt.2
Balls Deep pt.3
Balls Deep pt.4
Balls Deep pt.5
Second Act, Shit Is Still Wack
The Hawke's Nest
What A Man, What A Man, What A Mighty Blow Man
Merrillcide: Life On The Squee
A.N.D.E.R.S. - Call Of Scriptycrap
The Qunari Gas Chamber pt.1
The Qunari Gas Chamber pt.2
The Qunari Gas Chamber pt.3
The Qunari Gas Chamber: Epilogue
Stop Right There, Criminal Scum!
INTERLUDE: Slowbeef Doesn't Get "Jokes"
The Emancipation Trashmob Annihilation
Erase Myself, Cross Out What I've Become
I Did It All For The Nookie
Hello, 911? This Sexual Romance Is Over.
In Dreams I Snark With You pt.1
In Dreams I Snark With You pt.2
In Dreams I Like Big Butts pt.3
In Dreams I Snark With You pt.4
In Dreams I Snark With You: Epilogue
I'm Sowwy
Sorry About Trying To Kill You, Wanna Fuck?
Goddamn I Want To Fuck+Cum In That Bioware Babe
The Valerie Hawke Get Your Friends Laid Show pt.1
The Valerie Hawke Get Your Friends Laid Show pt.2
The Valerie Hawke Get Your Friends Laid Show pt.3
The Valerie Hawke Get Your Friends Laid Show pt.4
The Valerie Hawke Get Your Friends Laid Show pt.5
The Backwardsteve Marauders
Aveline... Loves To Fuck???
Is This The Real Life?
Up Against The Wall
The Ecstasy Of Trash
Do The Bartrand
My Little Bartrand: Fratricide Is Magic
Dark Rumblings In Weimar Kirkwall
Die Tranquillosung pt.1
Die Tranquillosung pt.2
Die Tranquillosung pt.3
Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Whose Head Is Most Nommable Of All?
My Clan Packed Up To Move Without Even Telling Me (self.RAOP)
Valterral More Like Failterral
Retard Moe: It's Not Just For ADTRW Anymore!
Rolling In The Deep Roads pt.1
Rolling In The Deep Roads pt.2
The Qidnapped Qunari pt.1: The Greatest Update Ever Told
The Qidnapped Qunari pt.2
The Qidnapped Qunari pt.3
Truly, Madly, Deeply
Let's Frame A Templar!
Bloodmages Up, Hoes Down pt.1
Bloodmages Up, Hoes Down: pt 2
Bloodmages Up, Hoes Down: pt.3
PUA: The Marethari Method
Who Needs DPS When You're DTF?
Loss.jpg pt.1
Loss.jpg pt.2
Loss.jpg pt.3
Loss.jpg: Epilogue
Shonky Business at The Bone Pit
And Now Some Awkward Touchy-Feely Crap
I Love My Dead Gay Trash Mob
An "Unexpected" Development pt.1
An "Unexpected" Development pt.2
The Qunari Qonundrum pt.1
The Qunari Qonundrum pt.2
The Qunari Qonundrum: Epilogue
INTERMISSION: Act 2 Deleted Scenes
Occupy Hightown
The Vapidcaust
A Touching Family Reunion pt.1
A Touching Family Reunion pt.2
This Will Go Somewhere Eventually
Goddamn You Half-Antivan Elves Do It To Me Everytime
Cure Yourself By Rubbing Feces Into The Wounds
This Charade Packs A Wallop!
This Epilogue Is A Charade
Who Needs Game Design?
But Thou Must!
Massive Wyrm Penetrates Bone Pit
I'm So Ashamed Of This Reference
Hawke The Bounty Hunter pt.1
Hawke The Pussy Hunter pt.2
Hawke The Bounty Hunter pt.3
Hawke The Bounty Hunter: Epilogue
My Alchemical Romance
This Is David Gaider's Pet Character
Dude, No. This Is Serious. I Just Sharded.
How Is Trashmob Formed?
The Kirkwall Tea Party Is NOT A Hate Group
The Earth Died Gigglesqueeing pt.1
The Earth Died Gigglesqueeing pt.2
Merrill & Lynch: Doglord Days
You Got Mage In My Templar! You Got Templar In My Mage! pt.1
You Got Mage In My Templar! You Got Templar In My Mage! pt.2
You Got Mage In My Templar! You Got Templar In My Mage! pt.3
You Got Mage In My Templar! You Got Templar In My Mage! Epilogue
Where Were You When The Towers Fell?
We'll Put A Boot Up Your Ass, It's The Kirkwallian Way
The Thin Red Life Meter
This Is Our Last Dance, This Is Ourselves... Under Gaider
STOP! Templar Time
A Pox On Both Your Factions!
Bitch I Look Like Goku
So Long And Thanks For All The Trash
The Gigglesquee Social Club (Fanart)

92 comments:

  1. You literally have me on the edge of my seat.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You literally have me with my penis in my hand

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's perfect because blogs are practically made for low-effort posting.

    I eagerly await the continuing chronicles of Hawke'a adventures and how her decisions uniquely affect the city of Kirkwall.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey! Zoolooman chose to gas the thread, and here it shows up again in act three anyway. It really is the DA2 experience!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Welcome back. I was pretty close to registering on SA to show my appreciation for this LP, but with the jackass mods, now I can save the $10. Woohoo!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, is it OK to complain about Bioware's lack of effort? I don't want to get banned...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have a new appreciation of the Bad Thread now...

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's such a shame that slowbeef got jealous because your thread was higher rated, and had more views. The way the mods ganged up on you and got zoolooman to gas the thread late one friday night just shows how petty and passive aggressive they have become.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't actually think that was the reason. It's not like it came out of nowhere or without warning. The thread was in a pretty grey area for most of its existence. I'd credit Shadow Isaac more for keeping it alive as long as it did than blame the mods for gassing it. (Not to white knight, or anything, the decision disappointed me too but it wasn't exactly surprising).

      Delete
  9. So happy this is back. Thank you Shadow Isaac, for keeping the dream alive

    (Also thank you Corridor for linking it in your thread. It seems like I'm not the only one who found my way here because of it!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. No probs, Starmaker.

    Yeah I've never really had that much issue with mods on SA before, but their attitude to this thread was weird as hell. I was pissed that it got gassed despite being highly rated, and that they said it was 'filler' despite everyone loving it.

    But now they're banning people in my thread over it. That dude who posted the awesome Shakespearian verse got banned, with the only reason being the :qq: emoticon. Because, y'know, he was just whining and bitching and not entertaining us in any way, never mind that loads of people, me included, thought his post was hilarious.

    Grraaagh it's not like me to whine about forum drama. :( It's just so dumb and annoying.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Well, Corridor, using the Marc Antony eulogy speech from Julius Caeser after JC is assassinated by a craven cabal of senators jealous of his popularity WAS a rather extraordinary 'coincidence' on that poster's part.

    I saw the choice of that particular speech as indirectly questioning the mods/calling them out (which is what made it such an awesome post), the mods probably saw it that way too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are the mods really that much of a bunch of passive aggressive manbabbies that they can't take an oblique, humourous, and effort laden tweak on the nose, that they had to ban the poster instead of probating them? The thread before immediately before gassing was directly on topic. It was the easily the most popular thread on the subforum going by the various ratings. They chose to gas it when less people would be online to complain.

      The worst aspect is the shear hypocrisy of the mods though. Look at zorak's posts in slowbeef's lets play they spin off on long tangents barely related to the content of the LP. Multiple LPs have excessive tangents between updates and all the mods do is lock the thread and wait for a new update before it is reopened. They accuse shadow isaac of being low effort when he updates daily, and the game itself has no more content to show than repeated trash mobs. Why aren't they locking and gassing threads that don't update for several months at a time?

      The only reasons left that make any sense are that the DA2 thread was generating a lot of reports from people that didn't like the thread the OP or the content. This on a forum that encourages people to vote 1 and move on, just shows that some mods and posters were angry and jealous that people could enjoy a consistently funny and often discussion provoking thread.

      Delete
    2. "Are the mods really that much of a bunch of passive aggressive manbabbies that they can't take an oblique, humourous, and effort laden tweak on the nose, that they had to ban the poster instead of probating them?"

      Most likely. Why else would they want to be moderators on an internet forum in the first place? Especially SA, which has so many users and so much traffic and is thus so much more WORK than a typical forum?

      Delete
    3. I think some of the complainers must have been Bioware fan boys, and were upset that anyone would dare criticize the genius that is Gaider. I'm guessing these were the same people responsible for gassing the Bioware complaint thread.
      They have a lot of free time right now - they've already played the Felicia Day sploogefest DLC several times and are waiting for the ME3 demo. I'm guessing a few of these people are mods.

      IK is right about the other LP threads - I've browsed them and many are low effort, have lots of garbage/tangental posts in between 'episodes', and are overall poor quality and NOT entertaining. The DA2 thread was possibly one of the most entertaining LP threads I've read, and I'm glad it's still going on even in blog format.

      Delete
  12. Yeah I complained the mods about it. Didn't get a reply that made much sense to me, notably "A good thread doesn't risk crossing the line." Which is a) meaningless and b) entirely wrong.

    Hahahaha the first time I bother bitching to a mod about their actions, and it's about a videogame thread. :D I'm the worst nerd.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh, you can comment here, too? I am bad at blogs, sorry. Nice to see you back, Shadow Isaac! I'll have to check out Corridor's thread too. I didn't see that she'd linked your blog there. I just saw your post in the LP request thread. Thanks for doing that, and thanks for making this so we can all continue to enjoy the trainwreck that is DA2.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ahh Dragon Age 2, salting your remains was not enough cleansing. I think I could melt my computer down and it still wouldn't make it 'clean'. Bioware right now is in that phase of it's life (much like Square Enix) where people have to come to the realization that they are producing crap, it's sort of happening right now thanks to TORs massive failure, at least enough that The Escapist decided to run an article about how DA2's story maybe kinda sucked http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/firstperson/9353-When-Dragon-Age-II-Fell-Apart

    Which is progress considering they advocated STEALING the game just to play it.

    now that loss.jpg has been posted we're getting to the part of the game where you can make some choices damn it. What choices are those you might ask?

    Well we can kill everyone in our party save 2/3 people!

    If anyone wants me to spoil how to systematically murder your fuckwit party, I'm all for telling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How's The Old Republic failing?

      Delete
    2. Because they spent 300-500 million dollars on this thing

      They boasted about 1 million preorders.
      Lets assume that was true and there were 1 million people who bought the game for release day.
      If we assume that about 10 percent of those sales were the $150 collectors edition then all up on sales they made about $69 000 000. This isn't including the digital deluxe pack, so lets be nice and say they made $72 000 000 in sales instead.

      Now, their current number of players is just under 300 000, according to ToRstats.
      Given that the budget was $300 000 000, they will have to keep those 300 000 players subbed at $15 per month for 51 months in order to break even (probably slightly less given additional post-release sales).

      If the budget is $500 000 000 as economic analysts are predicting, then they will have to keep every one of those 300k players subbed for 95.1 months in order to make a profit (again give or take some weeks accounting for additional sales).

      Given the 30%(Minimum) cut Lucas gets, then the sales amount left over is reduced to 50.4 million.

      Assuming he also takes 30% of the sub fees (reducing them from $15 to $10.5), those 300k players will have to sub for 79.2 months given a $300m budget and 142 months given $500m.

      Delete
    3. Jesus, I thought the budget was more around $170,000,000. If Mass Effect 3 is even half as reviled as Dragon Age 2, it'll kill them.

      Delete
    4. Also keep in mind that calculation considers Absolute Profit, which isn't true because most copies wouldn't be sold digitally and the retail chains would take a cut.

      The long and short of it is they were NEVER going to make enough money, with a budget that large, simply through sales, not unless the game shat pure liquid diamond. But that's fine right? subscribers? Yeah, if the game WASN'T a bad wow-clone, if they hadn't completely broken the PVP with the 1.1 patch, if they hadn't been so draconian with their userbase, maybe they would do it.

      I want you to understand just how badly Bioware screwed this up, on all levels. Okay you know how ToR uses the Hero Engine? well it actually uses a PROTOTYPE of the Hero Engine. It does not support rollbacks. That means when 1.1 hit and the Imperials all grinded valor in a matter of hours to have the best end game equipment in the game along side enough valor to purchase the best equipment for the next two expansions because Bioware UTTERLY fucked up with 1.1? they couldn't roll that back. PVP is forever unbalanced, this means that in the future, if they release a patch that bugs the game up badly again, they can't just Roll back to the last stable release. You should have seen the forums, people went LIVID over this shit, Bioware hid the Cancel subscription button and deleted posts regarding how to cancel your subscription, they took down the forums, subscriptions dropped like a rock, and in the stock market EA lost 3% of stock, at one point while I was watching the carnage their stock dropped by 7.72%! We're talking about a market that, on average, shifts 0.33% either way.

      Oh, and now people are being billed even after they cancelled their subscriptions, Hi-Ho Warhammer AWAY! http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=207441

      People, I could not make this shit up.

      Now I'll try to not bring up TOR or ME3 or any other Bioware project to keep from a Repeat of what happened on the forums. Even though Zooloo (Who is an honorable man) can't Gas or ban anyone here.

      Delete
    5. No, please, keep going, Bioware's tale of self-destruction is fascinating.

      Also, is it normal for a company's stock to trend downward the month after a major release? Because even Dragon Age 2 brought EA's stock up.

      Delete
    6. Not just on the release, the moment the stock market opened up after 1.1 hit, the stocks PLUMETTED, Which hilariously enough indicates that it was EA employees who were selling stock. eventually the stock rose again but it still ended the day as a loss. Today's take for the record is 2.22% increase

      Bioware's desperate gambit to keep people playing you might ask? well they said they would be giving away a medal and founder title to "All those that helped make TOR's launch the biggest in MMO history"

      If you were subscribing for the next month that is, and it would still take up to 7 days to get your useless cosmetic $15 bribe (that you paid them mind you) So yeah who cares that you brought the game at launch and subbed then, your a founder if you subscribed AFTER the huge misstep. And who gives a damn about a physical reward, or something with weight, have a name tag and a medal. In 4 years time those new TOR players are going to be SOOOO jealous (You think I'm kidding, this was legit Bioware Fan reactions on the forums)

      You know I spat and insulted Final Fantasy XIV when that game (failed to) launched, but Square Enix at least had the balls to come out and say "You know, your right we did fuck this up, this is free to play despite how much loss that means for us until this is at a level that's playable" Did it excuse them fucking up? no it didn't, but it showed a certain amount of tact and maturity. And hey, 2.0 actually looks entertaining from a gameplay perspective, and the actual game as it stands is... well not good but okay, I mean I wouldn't play it but I'm not an MMO guy.

      And even considering all that, at least FFXIV tried doing something different, yeah it fucking sucked and was boring as sin, but the idea of something unique was there. Biodrones try to convince themselves that "TOR is the most innovative MMO to ever hit the world, it's so unique" when all it is, is a bad 2004 WoW with a Star Wars paint coat. Which would be okay if this was 2004 and they hadn't spent $300->500 MILLION DOLLARS on it.

      I'm not even going to go into the Lore that's sure to drive any ACTUAL Knights of the Old Republic fan to mouth frothing rage.

      Delete
    7. Oh wait, yes I will.

      Meetra Surik (that is 'The Exile') never triggered the Mass Shadow Generator on Malachor V, that was Revan, she also never became a Wound in the force, she's just a regular Jedi, she was also Revan's Padawan. Kreia didn't just eventually decide the Force was an unfeeling god using people that needed to die, she read the 'Dark Side Scrolls' which drove her insane and she was a full Sith Lord, NOT someone who transcended Sith or Jedi. Meetra also really, really wanted Revans 'light saber' to the point she bound her spirit to him after her death, which we will get to.

      Darth Nihilus doesn't exist, like at ALL, Instead his power set was given to the EMPEROR OF THE SITH, and instead of it being his dependance on the force, It's just something he can do because he's a rocking dude, for added measure Meetra even says "I've never met anyone with this kind of power before". Oh yeah did I mention that Meetra doesn't unnaturally form Force Bonds with everything anymore? She's a completely normal Jedi. Canderous murders his Wife in defense of Revan, because now the Mandalorians are really really angry at Revan rather than respecting him for his show of power. Atton is gone even though he said he would be going with Meetra, T3's there though, so he can get melted down (literally) by the Sith Emperor. Along the way Meetra and Revan pick up a Sith Lord going by the name (I shit you not) Lord SCOURGE, who's apparently having visions of Revan defeating the Sith Emperor. Now after Revan tells him not to trust his Visions too much because the future can change in an instant, when he starts seeing visions of a DIFFERENT Jedi defeating the Sith Emperor (READ: Buy our MMO Guys!) he decides that, instead of taking Revan's advice or saying "fuck destiny I'll fight to the death anyway" he stabs Meetra in the back killing her instantly, which distracts Revan so the Emperor can beat him. This was of course after Meetra didn't take the chance to stab the Emperor in the back at the cost of Revan's life, even though the mission was "Defeat the Emperor"

      Then he gets to become immortal and become a companion for the Jedi Knight players.

      And that's how in one book and an MMO Bioware utterly killed any an all interesting plot points Obsidian had created. Buy your copy today and get a Medal and User Title!

      Also, if you want to see Dragon Age 2's 'Idea' That being a small scale story focused more on the people than the world, be executed well (If with a whole lot more angst) then go play the .Hack//G.U. Trilogy. I mean Bioware did since they completely ripped off a characters personality and backstory when raping Anders. Except where it made sense in .Hack//G.U. it made no sense here

      Delete
    8. I had no idea they did all that to the lore. That's... actually really terrible.

      Delete
    9. Christ, that grudge Lucas had against KOTOR II went deeper than I thought.

      Delete
    10. It's one part Lucas grudge, one part Drew Karpyshan being a little bitch that Chris Avellone wrote his own damn hero better than he ever did, VIA PROXY even.

      Notice how everything listed there puts The Exile in direct servitude to Revan, her accomplishments become his, she literally becomes his Padawan (which is weird when you remember that The Exile was a full KNIGHT considered ready to take on a student like the Disciple) And of course I forgot to mention this since it didn't so much 'rape the lore' as it did make me close the book and then heave it at the floor.

      Revan wags his finger in Atris face and treats her like a child, and she takes it. Atris, who probably hates Revan more than she EVER did the Exile.

      If no one cares about Files, I'm more than happy to put up the Mediafire link to the E-reader version of the book. But only if you like tasting pain and suffering.

      Delete
  15. Hey Shadow Isaac/BDQ, you want any help transferring over all the backlogs of updates?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah, it's pretty easy to copy-paste them when I have free time, given that I can just highlight the whole thing and paste it into Blogger whenever, plus I wouldn't want to take time away from you working on your LP. Thanks for offering, though.

      Delete
  16. That wasn't far. Evangeline smiled her thanks at the man and led the others through the square in the direction he indicated. She found herself looking at some of the buildings and trying to remember if they had changed in the years since she'd last been here. It was surprising how many had not. Such was the way of small towns.

    "Did you really come from here?" Rhys asked her as they rode.

    "Not Velun itself, but my family's estate was nearby."

    He cracked a mischievous grin. "So . . . a member of the nobility, after all?"

    "If you're picturing me in a fancy gown, it never happened. I preferred a sword to a dress from the time I could hold one in my hand."

    "You must have been quite the sight at the country ball, then."

    She chuckled at that, despite herself.


    That was an example of David Gaiders 'Witty' banter from the book 'Dragon Age: Asunder'

    If you were wondering if the man learned to Show, not tell since DA2, HAHA NO! Also his purple prose is painful.

    The only thing I can say in it's favor is that Wynne is ridiculously awesome. Mostly because she acts pretty much how I would act "Oh that's cute you have an opinion, I saved the world, never forget that you are my bitch" She's pretty much like that to everyone, the moment anyone else thinks they have the upper hand she'll drag up some story from Dragon Age: Origins and tell them all to pipe down cause they suck.

    Which really helps because I hate ALL the original characters in this book. Because it's pretty much a Redux of Act III, except not as bad. It's not good mind you, but David Gaider at points forgets he's supposed to suck and genuinely writes something funny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate it when sword&sorcery fantasy writers try to make realistic characters. Stick to writing up shittons of lore, guys. You have no idea how human beings behave or interact. The good ones in DA:O and DA:A only work because of the voice actors.

      Delete
    2. I hope I'll be forgiven for shilling my own shitty writing but I feel the need to bring something up.

      Back when I was writing DA2: Good Edition (frequently), I was asked by someone else on the 'staff' to add Rhys in as a party member (Asunder wasn't out at the time, all we knew he was Wynnes son and had been accused of murder, needing to team up with mummy dearest and Shale)

      Now the way I wrote Rhys was 'Wynne, but not Wynne at all' for example he was still loyal and kind to people, often showing a great deal of patience, but he was also horrible with communication. Not Merrill's "Oh I'm rambling again aren't I cute, cut my wrists and summon a demon KAWAIII!" but he felt the need to go into great detail, such as describing to the Warden (the star of GE was the Warden 10 years older) how the end of Act 1 event pretty much broke his whole body, and Rhys was trying to fix him through combination of surgery and magic. Which was 1/2 of Rhys gimmick.

      He was a doctor, understanding that magic can't fix injuries and wanting to help people. So he actually understands a lot about biology and physiology, and often forgets that the people he's explaining horrific injuries too DON'T understand that their right quadricep has just torn from the bone, snaked up their leg muscle, and that their shin has literally been shattered, and the pain they were currently experiencing would become more so when he tried to extract all the bone fragments, and attempt to reform the bone. The second 1/2 was that he was a monk, using magic to enhance his body, and using his knowledge of biology to break people. Also because I find it hilarious to punch someone while simultaneously casting Human Bomb. "You're already dead". I imagined him mid 30ish, very socially awkward considering his only real companion as a mage has been Shale, who's... well Shale.

      Point was the Rhys we made didn't have a 'witty' charm about him, he was open and bluntly honest to the point of over explaining. But nothing about him had 'Wit'.

      (Stupid character count)

      Delete
    3. So you can imagine after a few months of cultivating a mental image that when I got a 40 something acting like a 20 something little baby crying about his mother. I was kinda divorced from the whole book the moment the first chapter was spent showing us the murderer the murder mystery was about. I don't mean showing him do it, I mean telling us his name and everything.

      Just try to imagine how annoying Rhys is. I mean I didn't think my interpretation of the character from what we had to go on was wholly unique and relied mostly on the strength of the writing. But the genuine article made me have faith in my writing again.

      "This is bullshit," Adrian swore. As always, she was far more willing to show her rage than Rhys. She stopped pacing for a moment and shot him a scathing look that said Why aren't you doing something?

      "You're cute when you get like this."

      "You want to see cute? How about I set this room on fire? I wonder just how cute you'd think I was then."

      He chuckled lightly. "Well, I' d still think it was cute. The templars, on the other hand, might not agree."

      Then we get the asshole not a few pages later, being accused of murder, getting really indignant about being accused. Being told that a member of his 'libertarian' organization (Yeah apparently the Templars just let them form a party asking for their freedom from the chantry and... didn't do shit about it?) was a blood mage (when are they NOT a blood mage?) and just tried to Assassinate the 'Divine' That would be the head of the entire chantry. So when asked to name the people the mage hung out with "NO I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING YOU ALWAYS USE IT TO BLAME US FIRST!"

      BEING ACCUSED OF MURDER HERE! And the stupid shit is he knows who's doing the killing, an invisible Demon named Cole, so what does he do when he can explain his actions nice and calmly without being put in jail "I'll go get cole and then tell the first enchanter" and when a Templar catches him fighting Cole in the 'Pit' with Cole, asks whats going on and the git says "You wouldn't believe me if I told you"

      And this is not the absolute worst of it. He's a SPIRIT MEDIUM! No I don't know how that fucking works when it comes to mages either apparently he "Senses spirits better than others" It's all a big plot point so they can REALLY fuck up the Rite of Tranquility (I mean moreso)

      But the worst bit is especially for you Corridor.

      You know how Holly complained about the Circle? after all it's where you're constantly watched over by 'The Man' and they threaten to chop your heads off if you summon a demon.

      Yeah, Mages in the White Spire are thrown in dungeons. Sometimes the Templars even forget they are down their, leaving them to starve to death. literally until they pass their Harrowing they live in cells, not even furnished Cells. Man remember when it seemed like Mages had it bad, but the Templars were trying their hardest to actually make it work?

      Oh but it's okay, the Divine actually wants to give Mages more freedoms, but despite being the head of the Chantry she can't do shit apparently.

      Seriously the only two characters who don't completely annoy in this book are Wynne, who as I mentioned is acting pretty much spot on, and Shale, who acts like Shale should.

      "I preferred the tower in Ferelden," Shale muttered.

      Wynne snorted. "How can you say that?" she whispered. "The one and only time you were in Ferelden's tower, it was half- filled with abominations and corruption of every kind."

      "It was an improvement."

      This is Shale and Wynne presumably discussing DA2 and DA:A

      Delete
    4. Back when I was writing DA2: Good Edition (frequently), I was asked by someone else on the 'staff' to add Rhys in as a party member (Asunder wasn't out at the time, all we knew he was Wynnes son and had been accused of murder, needing to team up with mummy dearest and Shale)

      ----

      What is this DA2: Good Edition, and do I really want to know?

      Delete
    5. Sure, It's actually not as offensive as the name 'Dragon Age 2' would imply, though it's probably proof that no one should let me write at 4 AM.

      The best description I have for it is that it's a design bible of a theoretical Dragon Age 2, with Act outlines, gameplay additions/changes listed, hell even two expansion packs designed up.

      I think the idea was, I was going to bring it up to a condition that I was happy with, and then post it on the Bioware Social Forums as a thought experiment. How fast would they ban me?

      In the end I never did because I made some pretty critical mistakes in how the lore would honestly handle things, and I'm not happy when my sperging is done incorrectly.

      The least offensive way to see it, is basically what Quvorak did with his 'How to make Golden Sun Good" write ups, but with a whole lot more nerdrage behind it.

      Delete
  17. The annoying thing about blogger is that there's no single ongoing thread/discussion. There's one for every update and I can't check all of them. >:(

    ReplyDelete
  18. Replies
    1. If only we all had a dollar for each time this game prompted that question to come out of our mouths...

      Delete
    2. What kind of dollar? America? Australian? Does it have to be that specific phrase or can it be "What is going on?!" There are important questions and I don't believe you have answered them

      Delete
  19. I've just learned of this heroic continuation of the DA2 thread and I can't wait to read the latest entries (especially the Quentin one).
    I have to say, thanks to this LP I downloaded the dreaded DA2 demo, played it 4-5 times and then, erm, borrowed the game. Yes, borrowed...totally borrowed. Ahem. I love the game. It's a smelly pile of shit, so foul that I can't wait to get more of it and laugh at how someone thought it was good enough to charge money for it.

    ReplyDelete
  20. So Shadow Isacc, are you planning on porting your New Vegas LP over here once Zorak and Slowbeef decide that it doesn't contain enough information about Space Mel Gibsons and the velocity of human ejaculate in an O'Neil Cylinder? I don't see it lasting more than another day myself. But hey man, it's cool. The Endless Ocean LP is still going strong, so at least we got that going for us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Holy shit, I just checked the LP and Zorak probated over five people in the first two pages just like that. It's like SA has changed into the SW:TOR boards!

      Delete
    2. Remember kids, when YOU make an unpopular decision the masses don't agree with, silence them and refuse to listen! That's what our lord and savior Stanley Woo would do!

      Speaking of which, did anyone here manage to catch good old Stanley saying exactly what you 'get' for remaining loyal to Bioware with Mass Effect 3?

      I have the response saved before the Rine was Ended

      Delete
    3. Just checked it myself too, Algus. Tellingly, they probated all those people in the first two pages, yet Ceciltron is NOT one of them (despite the probate-worthy content of his posts).

      Fallout series never grabbed my imagination, but I bookmarked it and rated it 5 anyway, just on principle.

      Delete
    4. Well, Ceciltron posted after those probations happened, so that's not that unusual.

      That said, I'm almost expecting the thread to be gassed for arguing with Ceciltron and Ceciltron being made a mod.

      Delete
  21. Shadow Isaac, keep doing LPs here and stick ads all over this site. Banner ads, pop-ups, pop-unders, those banner ads that make noise, I'm talking the whole nine yards. You could make a lot of money.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Shadow Isaac if I buy you another steam game can you make me the sex robot fisto from the new vegas strip?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are we going to see more of Seneschal Internet Kraken? IIRC he has a very BAAAW monologue at the beginning of Act III.

      Delete
    2. I got damn good odds that you just gave them a reason to ban your ass. Really I think Zorak was just looking for it, seriously the fuck is up the moderators collective asses?

      Delete
    3. All signs point to a stick. Unoriginal, but true.

      Delete
    4. Well, I was going to post another New Vegas update today but now I'm probated for doctoring screenshots.

      Delete
    5. Now you've done it! The thread is going to be gassed for going 24 hours without an update.

      Delete
    6. Oh Hafl, you plebe. If you had been following the Policenauts thread you would realize that it's nothing quite so mundane as a stick, but rather a Scharnhorst Rod. An experimental rod crafted by NASA scientist Karl Scharnhorst to monitor the internal body temperature of astronauts whilst they space walk. Crafted out of of a high grade tungsten carbide with a nickel coating to provide extra conductivity. Sadly, too many were made and they were in turn handed out to NASA staff last year in lieu of Christmas bonuses.

      Delete
    7. Dammit I spent all my weekly "entertainment" budget on a brand spanking new game for my pal Shadow Isaac, and he gets probated because of me. I wish I had spent the money on a superb upgrade on my SA account so I could message Zorak and explain this. Heck I even wish I had used this money for its original purpose and stayed subscribed to swotor even though my twilek sex slave left me for another sith maurader

      Delete
    8. What happened in the Policenauts thread?

      Delete
    9. Basically, Zorak posted an enormous post about a subject only tangentially related to the LP (Why is planetary colonisation stupid) and got, let's say, a little angry when someone pointed out that the post was barely relevant to the LP. Of course, I don't know the details, so the truth may be different.

      Delete
    10. Hafl's got it on the nose. I believe the person who spoke up was either probated or banned entirely. It was a pretty prime example of "Do as I say, not as I do", which I found particularly unctuous given the tone of the gassing message Isaac received.

      Delete
    11. The thread's going to be gassed because Zorak has decided that I'm apparently a poster from a subforum that had been locked years before I ever registered for something awful.

      Delete
    12. At first I thought you were joking, but then I checked and the thread is indeed closed. What the fuck.
      Zorak motivating your probation as "posting mocked-up screen shots" and threatening to gas the whole thing really reeks of personal grudge and terrible moderation. If he can't moderate he should go back to his LP of ballfish touching and leave it to someone better suited for the job.

      Delete
    13. I hope Zorak continues to take a more active part in the moderation of LP subforum, just so we can get an annual "State of the LP" address.

      Delete
    14. Oh, I closed the thread myself once Zorak started talking about his plans to gas it in #letsplay. I figured his sycophant squad was going to keep shitposting it and since I was probated and unable to steer it back on track, I might as well lock it.

      Delete
    15. Zorak> i think
      Zorak> when it comes time to finally gas this LP
      Joshua> oh there we go it's up!
      Zorak> this time will happen btw
      Ceciltron> floor i'm getting murdered by ycs!!
      Zorak> it fucking will
      Zorak> I'm just going to move it to FYAD

      Ceciltron> Zorak: did you close the thread
      Zorak> no
      Ceciltron> because if not you should drop it in FYAD and reopen

      Rirse> Zorak, don't probate me for that post I made in the thread
      Rirse> I felt like saying it

      Zorak, tell me, what the odds of a probation for that post? I can edit it if needed

      Delete
    16. oh, and my personal favorite:
      Zorak>why do people think this is a democracy anyway
      Zorak>it's at best a benevolent dictatorship

      Delete
    17. Ya know, isn't it a conflict of interest for Moderators to have personal vendettas? I'm just saying shouldn't someone IMPARTIAL judge the thread if he's not even going to look at the content and simply going to ban it because he doesn't like it?

      Delete
    18. I mean for fucks sake, you didn't break any rules, but you've been probated, and the thread was on topic, yet it's been closed, At this point he's not even fucking waiting for an infraction to pop up.

      You know what just to spite the fucker I would LP one of the games he has in the archive (of course it's only Quartz and Jurassic Park) and go into as minute fucking detail as humanly possible about everything. Every possible bit of information I could scrap up, simply to say "Fuck you too, you sack of shit"

      In fact, that was the whole point of DA2:GE, it was going to be written, fleshed out, given as much polish as possible and then posted on the Bioware Social Forums, in the most polite way possible, simply to get banned by David Gaider/Stanley Woo.

      Because when people piss me off I devote my EXISTENCE to pissing back

      Delete
    19. Dictatorships are all about personal vendettas.

      Besides, mods are only paid in ego stroking and unbridled power. I would be kind of disappointed if they didn't go mad with power in increasingly petty and hilarious ways.

      Delete
    20. U NO SPAKE BAD BOUT MOD
      YOU BRAEK RAW
      I BAN U
      END OF RINE

      _______________________________________________________<-RINE END HEAH

      Delete
    21. I have a MLP avatar. I live on the edge and thrive on danger.

      Though Zorak loves MLP, because he finally managed to convince the forums that some group is more despicable than anime fans.

      Delete
    22. I found the Internet Kraken Steam purchase update in the DA2 thread absolutely hilarious, so that post in your latest ill-fated LP was quite welcome. It's a shame that both resulted in a ban and probate respectively, since some of the LP mods seem to loathe you for making legitimately funny threads (the DA2 thread had some low points but it had many seriously good posts by you and several thread regulars).

      Zorak and his wacky band of LP purists are in the minority in their intense dislike for your threads, if the DA2 thread rating was any indication. Given that, I was hoping they'd put aside their grudge and actually let you make an update or two before judging the New Vegas thread as some kind of "low-effort" abomination. The first post was pretty good and the premise had promise.

      Open your heart Zorak, and let Shadow Isaac spread his brand of love across the Let's Play subforum!

      Delete
    23. Ozma banned me for pretty much no reason by the way.

      Delete
    24. That is hilarious "I'm pretty much sick of you" has to be the laziest method to ban someone, you didn't break any rules, most of your 'Friends' have been longer posters THAN you, and on top of that, the mod approves his own ban/probation, doesn't even both finding a rule breaking post to ban/probate you for.

      Jesus did you personally fuck their mothers? Because I have never seen someone earn so much Ire for what is essentially nothing.

      Did you even post outside of the LP section, go on the IRC to piss off the mods, hell did you ever interact with the mods outside them hunting you down? I'm just trying to understand what you did to possibly make them this butthurt

      Delete
    25. Worse he fucked with the LP forum itself ... compared to that their mothers are nothing

      Delete
    26. I have never contacted or interacted with a something awful mod. I don't even think I've ever responded to one of their posts. I lurked the #letsplay irc channel for maybe an hour after a couple people sent me the chatlog I've excerpted, but the most I saw in there was rirse saying that maybe SOPA would all be worthwhile if it meant that i couldn't do LPs anymore.

      Delete
    27. I don't know if it's a generational divide or what, but is it really that hard to see something you don't like, say to yourself "I don't like this" and simply never check in on the thread again? I just really don't understand why people get a particular burr up their ass about your threads. I can maybe understand to some degree the DA2 thread since about 1/3 of the pages were 5 people rehashing the same argument over and over again and it grew tiresome, but the NV was pretty damn civil with the exception of the people who would post to deliberately shit things up to draw "mod" attention. Still, at least you were able to throw the hypocrisy of the mods back in their faces one last time before the end.

      Delete
    28. I am just so confused, especially since (Lets be perfectly honest) they are the reason you have 'A Bloo Bloo Bloo' in red text. I mean I have to personally work to get people to hate me that much! They have essentially started a vendetta against you because the DA2 LP was low effort, and people loved it anyway because DA2 deserved to be shat upon. And they hold this against you even into an LP that has a effort put into it.

      Honestly, yeah confusion is all I feel.

      Delete
    29. Okay, what. The. Fuck. Is going on on SA?

      "BAN" without a link to any post where you may have earned it. Reason: "To say that I'm sick of you is putting it lightly". Requested and approved by the same person.

      Then it was changed to a probation (still with no link to anything that could explain the probation) justified with "Can't post for a month, go away". Requested and approved by the above person, too.

      Nevermind the fact that if you come back in a month the LP thread will have gone to shit, and if you kept it closed for a month, it would likely get archived. Or gassed.

      Goddamnit I'm not even following the New Vegas LP and this makes me mad. I wish I could punch these people in the face because "to say that I'm sick of them is putting it lightly".

      Delete
    30. It's not like the ban was revoked, ozma filed both a ban and a probation. This means even if someone wanted to flush another $10 down the toilet to unban me, they wouldn't be able to for a month.

      Delete
    31. At this point, paying up $10 (but even a cent, really) just so they can abuse your threads is pointless.

      On a sidenote, here are a couple posts I found in the LP Sandcastle:
      "I'm not comfortable with the implication that a mod can gas a thread based on nebulous statements that basically amount to his opinion, and we have no way of disputing it.
      [...]
      Because that's all too easy of a claim to make when apparently no one is allowed to dispute it."
      and
      "So you wouldn't mind at all if your LPs were gassed and you were told by the mod they were terrible and you shouldn't try again?

      I don't think that's a good attitude to have."

      The poster was oddly not probated, banned or e-bullied, maybe because he's is a famous LPer? (it's Orange Fluffy Sheep btw)
      As Isabela would say, "Mods like these are worse than those shitty Oblivion mods. Get it? Mods! I like to fuck."

      Delete
  23. Hey Shadow Isaac, do you still accept fanart? Because I just made a sweet summary of the game so far in a picture as low-effort as DA2 itself.
    http://i1261.photobucket.com/albums/ii590/dragonage2lp/fanart/da2kisama.png

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'm gonna make an update for all the art I received once this is over, so anybody who wants to can continue to make and post fanart.

      Delete
  24. Niiiice. So glad this is back!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Shame about the New Vegas LP, btw. Any plans to continue that here, too?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's a little preemptive to plan to relocate it yet given that it hasn't actually been gassed or sent to FYAD. Honestly, I'm not sure which way I would go. The investment of time that goes into writing a post for the New Vegas LP is considerably longer than a post for this LP and given that I'm not even finished posting this one it seems overcomplicated to attempt to maintain 2 at once on the same page.

      In retrospect I probably should have just done the New Vegas LP offsite as well, but I had no way of anticipating just how violent the reaction from Zorak and the extremely vocal "Shadow Isaac hater" clique on Let's Play would be, especially given that it was the complete stylistic antithesis of the Dragon Age 2 thread.

      Delete
    2. Honestly, you could take author breaks to explain the mechanics, I don't know if the same "I don't take audience participation" the DA2 LP carries applies to the New Vegas one. But if not, just saying that might help. Oh I figure they'll ban you anyway, but you've responded as mature as you possibly can to it.

      Though I'm sure Zorak has taken it as a personal insult that you threw the rules back in his face.

      Delete
  26. Just came across a link through RPS that's too precious not to share

    http://blog.bioware.com/2012/02/01/storming-the-sand-castle/ David Gaider dispensing tips on writing fanfiction.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I find it hilarious that he can't even follow his own advice when writing novels.

      Delete
    2. I'll just give the standard comment of: "I could write better fanfiction than David Gaider. I'm pretty sure I wrote better fanfiction than David Gaider."

      Delete
  27. None of the pictures are loading...

    ReplyDelete