My Faggot Son

As Valerie and company are leaving the Qunari compound, they overhear one of the residents of Kirkwall whispering to a friend about how Qunari kidnapped the Viscount's son. Smelling a possible bounty, Valerie heads for the viscount's keep. It's not like the Amell Manor won't still be there later.

Heading up the stairs, we see the Viscount's aide deep in conversation with a woman of indeterminate ethnicity who seems to be sporting a 5 o'clock shadow.

The wounded coast? Hey, I just got back from there! Funny, didn't notice any Qunari holding humans captive during my Tal-Vashoth killing spree, though.

After the woman leaves, Valerie decides to attempt a master salesman's tactics: talking shit about the competition.

Shouldn't have posted your bounty on okcupid if you didn't want desperate uggos, dude.

When money's on the line, Valerie doesn't need any pesky details like "not knowing anything about the situation she's walking into" get in the way of her payday.

So we head to the wounded coast (which is the exact same as it was last time we were there,) and head to the beach where our helpful map marker indicates we'll find Saemus.

Looks like Saemus is a practitioner of the love that dare not speak its name.

Nice eyebrows. Nice stubble.

This powerbottom Kirkwall twink likes it hard and raw, giving up the boypussy for any uncut Kossith bear who'll buy him a drink. (A goon got mad at me for writing this until I claimed I was bi-curious and then that made everything okay.)

No, no, Valerie, it's cool. He likes it rough.

Oh, good, because I wasn't gonna get paid if you didn't come back with me anyway.

Bitch do not touch my meal ticket.

So we kill her. PRO STRAT: Have everyone, even your mages, autoattack everything.

Damn, not even mom was this whiny about Valerie slaughtering dozens of people around her.

Of course there's going to be more, have you forgotten what game you're in?

2 trash mobs later...

"Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Fuckin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Ashaad! So what we got now is Wounded Coast! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, fuckin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest!"

Yeah, that's what I did. Make with the money so I can get back to killing trash mobs and searching garbage cans for raven feathers to sell.

"My faggot son is home."

Unfortunately, the Viscount informs Valerie that she will not get paid extra for that.

 

Quiet sweetie, the grown-ups are talking.

Are you seriously going to come out of the closet now, of all times?

Yeah, shit was getting real awkward, so Valerie just grabbed the cash and bailed.