Get Out Of Here A.N.D.E.R.S. pt.1

Well, we've started the road towards getting our house back, may as well check in on Varric to see what's up with the deep roads expedition.

I want to be a dragon.

You know, it seems like there's plenty of other dwarves we could ask for advice here judging by the fact that they live on the edge of the deep roads and all, but sure, let's go track down a mentally unstable soldier of fortune who drinks darkspawn blood and psychically communes with Archdemons before eventually going insane and wandering to his or her death in the deep roads.

Anyway, rumor has it that the warden came in with a group of Fereldan refugees, so we head over to a refugee outreach center.

Given how in love with the sound of their own voice every supporting character in this game is, Valerie's complete disregard for subtlety becomes remarkably refreshing.

"Oh, no reason really, I'm trying to spruce my hovel up and was looking for some interior decorating tips, plus I'm wild about that whole Griffin motif they've got going."

Nice try Valerie, but we've already established that you're completely incapable of that.

So the storekeeper talks about how great it is that the grey warden provides healing to the poor people who can't even afford food and blah blah blah some other shit I don't care about.

Merrill is crushed by Valerie's sudden embrace of heteronormative gender roles.

Oh great. Another whiner. Can't wait for these sidequests.

Hopefully it'll be easier to find than a lit lantern in Doom 3! Haha, get it? Darktown? (Doom 3 is dark, just FYI)

So we step outside and are confronted by a mob of unsavory looking gentlemen.

Yeah Valerie, you certainly weren't making a secret of it shouting out about grey wardens and such.

They get recruited into my party?

Valerie decides to ask Bethany if she can set these guys on fire like she did the darkspawn. Unfortunately, Bethany decides to use a different method of conflict resolution.

And we know the best way to avoid Templar attention is to yell about how much you're trying to avoid Templar attention in the middle of a public square during a confrontation between 2 heavily armed gangs.

At this point I think I had a small stroke because I couldn't comprehend the fact that Dragon Age 2 had actually allowed me to avoid a combat sequence. The high-pitched sound of gigglesqueeing washed over me as I blacked out, only to wake up in a puddle of vomit and urine with half a carton of Hamburger Helper smeared on my chest and the Amazon order confirmation for Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne on my screen.