Saturday, November 26, 2011

Introducing The Bone Pit

Well, it looks like there's trouble at the Bone Pit and it's time for us to go take care of it (unfortunately for Anders, "The Bone Pit" is not the name of Kirkwall's hottest gay nightspot).
Hey man, Fereldans are just doing the jobs that Free Marchers refuse to take.

More brilliant commentary on the ever-widening divide between the rich and the poor.

So we head to the bone pit, Anders' boihole moistening in anticipation.
I wish this game had gotten lost on the way to my hard drive.

So we kill some bandits outside the mine (?) and find a correspondence between mine administrators pinned to a boulder outside (???)
Let me use this example: Imagine seventeen slaves on the edge of a cliff. Say a direct copy of the slave nearest the cliff is sent to the back of the line of slaves and takes the place of the first slave. The formerly first slave becomes the second, the second becomes the third, and so on until the seventeenth falls off the cliff.

Mining works the same way.

"Profit has increased dramatically since we started slaughtering workers concentration camp style!" Bioware has taken a page from noted philosopher and intellectual Ken Levine and explored Randian self-interest with all the nuance we've come to expect from a console RPG.

So we head into the mine and-
We get attacked by a swarm of baby dragons.

After murdering the shit out of them, we continue onwards to find the sole survivor of the overseer's genocidal reign of terror.
It'd be cool if you could sneak by the dragons and let this dude get eaten on the way out, but nope, Bioware.

Ah Merrill, your childlike retardation innocence never ceases to amuse!

So in a choice that will surprise absolutely no one, we head straight in the direction of the huge dragon.
Damn, that sure looks threateni-


We head back to Dragonny Taggart to give him the good news.
Capitalism bad. CAPITALISM BAAAAAD! Cave Smith

Yep, that's our Valerie, the one woman endangered species genocide.

Strange that one of the first people to respond positively to Valerie's sarcastic quips is a sociopathic Randian businessman with no concerns beyond the bottom line. It's almost like they have something in common

He said, sucking his finger lasciviously.

It's okay folks, the "mine safety equipment" was actually a series of bear traps designed to keep the workers from slipping off narrow paths.

He could do it, but it would interrupt his busy schedule of standing around stationary, occasionally sucking his finger suggestively.

And with that, the future Champion of Kirkwall entered the highly profitable "exploiting slave labor" market.

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