Monday, November 21, 2011

Love And Death In Lowtown

Look what I happened to pick up somewhere along the way!
That's right, magical Valtrex! Let's unload this shit.

Valerie asks some helpful gentlemen to direct her to the nearest man with a horrific case of gonorrhea.

Let's take a minute to admire the prowess of Bioware's gifted artists.

Alright, looks like it's getting late. Were we supposed to be doing something? I can't even remember. Let's head to lowtown and check in on guardsman Donnic.
well, Merrill, what makes gangs so angry is their socioeconomic plight imposed by a rigid hightown/lowtown class divide coupled with a growing disenfranchisement following the influx of Fereldan refugees- okay that's horseshit, Bioware just loves trash mobs and wants to kiss them on the lips. The buttlips.

And look who's waiting for me atop the stairs!

5 waves of dog lords later, we finally make our way to the adjacent alley to find an example of the sorry training of Kirkwall's finest.

Hey guys, maybe we can talk this ou-

Guess not.

Oh god, we were too late! Donnic's got a concussion!

That's right readers, you're watching the birth of a Bioware romance that will rival the greatest love affairs of western literature, from Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala to Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

Valerie surreptitiously checks the "unusually heavy" satchel to see if there's any money in it.

Oh come on, I can't fund a deep roads expedition with this shit!

Worthless to us, though. Unless...

Unfortunately, Aveline isn't on the same wavelength as our brilliant scheme to start a crime family.
For Valerie it's not even about the guard, it's personal. No one shorts her out on a job she already did.

Goddammit you are no fun at all, you know that?

Or we could just stab him and leave him in a ditch. I like that option, personally.

You can tell Aveline thought she was being really clever here.

Soooo smug.

I dunno, he wasn't written particularly worse than anyone else in this game. Oh, you meant that kind of character.

Actually, he was the Captain Kirkwall deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

Hmmm, I dunno, maybe someone whose closest associates hadn't just spent a year working for a smuggling ring?

Valerie has a sneaking suspicion she's not getting paid for any of this...

After that, the game glitched out so that none of my party would follow me out of the room, so Aveline stayed in there while she asked Donnic if he was doing alright from across the barracks.
 Bee Puke

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