This is the Tutorial: The End

As my troupe of stunning beauties poses hips a-cocked, Bethany reminds us that we need to get into the city. Thanks, I had forgotten that in the past 5 seconds. Well, off to the brothels to sell ourselves for a year.

Valerie and her friends trudge slowly down an alley, resigned to a year of deep-dicking in exchange for entrance to the city of chains, when they are are accosted by a suspicious-looking character.

That neck. That fuckin' neck.

For those counting, we're 2 for 2 on fetch quests now.

We head into the square to find Merchant Cavril, thoughtfully indicated by a glowing yellow arrow and a glowing orange name in case we missed one or the other. Cavril's deep in negotiations with a customer.

Oh no, an ugly woman got ripped off. Will it be up to us to make it right?

Myron

This is a thing with Bioware. Whenever you have to collect money from a merchant, he's inevitably unscrupulous and corrupt, because capitalism is a bad thing and Bioware needs a moral justification for having a ostensibly heroic character performing extortion.

Fuck helping that old bag. We're lookin' out for numero uno here.

This little kitty tries to get sassy with Valerie. Little does he know she's got claws too.

Aveline is a fine example of those inspired by the righteous, morally upstanding nature of the Templars. Kill all cops.

Faced by the prospect of being shanked by an amazonian bulldyke with a hilariously impractical sword handle, Cavril quickly caves in.

Take what's in the chest? Don't mind if I do!

Seriously, you call that a quest? Where was the 30-man trash mob of bodyguards? It's like you're not even trying.

And now I'm in. I'm sure there'll be a lot of roguish smuggling quests in my future!

Valerie returns to tell Gamlen and Mom the good news.

The designers couldn't even implement this concept if they wanted to, as there is no way to escape from combat in this game. The enemies will literally spawn out of thin air in front of you.

OH JESUS CHRIST WILL YOU LAY OFF IT ALREADY?

YOU TOO.

Yes... "fantastic". That's... exactly the word I would use to describe the experience so far.

And thus ends this update.

Whoa, just remembered that when I let Aveline pull a knife on Cavril it gave me +10 approval with her, so basically letting her threaten to stab a guy was enough to completely redeem myself in her eyes after I stabbed her husband in the heart.