Had I actually bothered to finish Dragon Age: Origins, we would be
loading a save where Valerie fled Lothering shortly after the departure
of Grey Warden Davros Cousland, the future warden-commander, who would
go on to bang the shit out of Morrigan so that he could survive and be
the proud father of a demonbaby. However, I didn't finish, so I'm
choosing the pre-created origin that most closely matches my theoretical
playthrough.
Varric gives a brief recap of the events of DA:O; the king was betrayed
by his right-hand man and almost all the grey wardens died at Ostagar.
These cutscenes are probably some of the best parts of the game
because of the art direction in them. Also because they are over quickly.
And now we meet the Hawke family:
And now we meet the Hawke family:
Valerie glares in disgust at her shitlord little brother Carver. Valerie
and Carver hate each other for some unexplained reason. I'm just
guessing, but it might have something to do with Carver being an
insufferable generic Bioware beta-male fuckshit retard.
Your sister Bethany, who has noticeably smaller tits irl than in the tutorial.
And your mom, who whines and complains a lot.
Fuck yeah, time for some combat! So then I slaughter a trash mob of darkspawn.
Aimlessly. That's a good one. Notice the map in the first in-game
screenshot. See how it's a straight line? It remains one for this entire
area. Anyway, mom says we have relatives in Kirkwall.
Needless to say, we don't wander aimlessly and it isn't away from the darkspawn. after a trash mob, we encounter Wesley and Aveline, a templar and his wife. Wesley immediately gets stabbed and Aveline saves him, saying "they will not have you. Not while I draw breath." Wesley talks some shit about how Bethany's an apostate and you can't trust apostate mages, and Valerie tells him to fuck off. He repeats that she's an apostate twice so you know this is really important.
I forgot to upload the screenshots of this part before I deleted them. They're not that important anyway.
Anyway, 4 trash mobs of darkspawn later-
Needless to say, we don't wander aimlessly and it isn't away from the darkspawn. after a trash mob, we encounter Wesley and Aveline, a templar and his wife. Wesley immediately gets stabbed and Aveline saves him, saying "they will not have you. Not while I draw breath." Wesley talks some shit about how Bethany's an apostate and you can't trust apostate mages, and Valerie tells him to fuck off. He repeats that she's an apostate twice so you know this is really important.
I forgot to upload the screenshots of this part before I deleted them. They're not that important anyway.
Anyway, 4 trash mobs of darkspawn later-
Yep, it's the same ogre.
Carver gets fucking owned, Carth/Alistair/Kaiden 3.0 is taken off the board, and we get
another opportunity to view Bioware's masterful facial animations.
Anyway, the ogre fight proceeds the same way as last time, except your equipment is shit, you only have 2 combat skills instead of like 6, and your health doesn't regenerate as fast, so basically it's worse in every single way.
Anyway, the ogre fight proceeds the same way as last time, except your equipment is shit, you only have 2 combat skills instead of like 6, and your health doesn't regenerate as fast, so basically it's worse in every single way.
And Wesley starts doing his religious shit. Watching him pray to Dragon
Jesus or whatever, I begin to wish there was a renegade interrupt system
in this game so Hawke could just cut in with "IM AN ATHEIST. DEAL WITH
IT." and spare us some of these prolonged cutscenes.
Anyway, while Wesley was busy praying, guess what snuck up on us?
Anyway, while Wesley was busy praying, guess what snuck up on us?
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