Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Get Out Of Here A.N.D.E.R.S. pt.2

So we're off to find the grey warden turned healer in darktown. After killing a bunch of "highwaymen" that happened to be hanging out in an abandoned mine, we finally stumbled across the darktown free clinic.
I was going to make a joke about Ye Console Doth Sucketh poster and Permabanned Pedophile "The Eye of Andraste" here, but there's another update it'll work better for.

Anders sees Hawke and suddenly realizes that it wasn't a horrible nightmare and he is indeed in Dragon Age 2.


Heh, yeah, I'm all about "taint" if you know what I mean...

between this, Barkspawn the dog and Boo the miniature giant space hamster, Bioware loving loves their monkeycheese pets.

Funny, I'd die a happy man if I never had to play this game again.

I'll do it... for a pri- wait, did he already use that one? Fuck.

The "realistic mabari testicles" mod would disagree with you there.

"Or I could kill you and take the maps. That could work too." (No it couldn't. Can't have these fuckshit players ruining my character arcs.)

Personally, I don't want to give the game another reason to take longer to complete.

So we head to the chantry at night. God this is so tedious.

Well, I'm sure there's no templars in the goddamn church either, so let's just barge right in!

Yeah I didn't see anyone suspicious out here either apart from the 3 mages, the chick in full plate armor and the one with 2 gigantic fuckoff knives strapped to her back.

Oh phew, I was worried I was actually going to have to make dialogue choices in the upcoming conversation. What a load off my mind!

So we get inside and go upstairs and find Karl.
But something's wrong!

"What's with that monotone voice?! That's not the sassy Karl I know and love!"

So a little backstory: he's a tranquil, which means he's been magically lobotomized to never feel emotions again so that he can't be possessed by a demon I guess? Basically the chantry uses these bargain-basement Mr. Datas as slave labor to enchant items that they then sell for church fundraising drives.

Anders is shocked and horrified that his first boyfriend has lost the flamboyant, devil-may-care attitude that so drew him to Karl. (This is canon, if you play as a male Hawke then Anders talks about how he lost his virginity to Karl.)

Also, pay attention to Anders' eyebrows. They're one of the best parts of this game.

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame; Karl you give love a bad name

So all of a sudden, Anders' voice drops about 3 octaves and he starts glowing blue.

And then we slaughtered a trash mob of templars in a zero-effort fight.

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