This thread is no longer acceptable.
It veers off topic more than a drunk fishtails on a back country road. Posting is crap, effort is flaccid, and frankly the LP itself defines mediocrity in new and tepid ways. Much like Dragon Age 2, this thread is filler. It is white noise. It is a radio tuned to an obscure AM channel playing day opera radio serials in a language you've never heard. It makes sense only because it speaks the universal lingua franca of failure. How fitting.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The Thin Red Life Meter
-Me, watching this shitpile of an endgame.
Actually, I'm willing to bet Anders hasn't actually been chanting "this game is shit this game is shit this game is shit" for the past 45 hours.
Yeah, every mage in the world was basically on the edge of their seat waiting for you to do mage 9/11.
Does this mean we weren't having three-ways all those times? Because if so I'm really disappointed on being sold a false bill of goods.
Valerie longingly thinks back to her own missed opportunity to devastate Kirkwall at the Arishok's side.
Yeah, that'd be another whole quest to implement and let's face it, Bioware was really running out of ones and zeroes to program all those trash mobs at this point.
This is exactly how terrorism works irl and it is truly the most effective method of political change.
Oh man, this is a moral quandary Valerie's facing! time to consult the experts:
Unfortunately, there aren't any, so she decides to ask our dipshit buddies instead.
Thanks for the input, Fenris.
Thanks for the input, Merrill.
THANK YOU VARRIC.
Anyway, Valerie realizes that if we get rid of Anders we lose the only mage in the party with any healing spells at all so-
Oh yeah, she also loses her only steady supply of dick, so that factored into the decision making process too.
Oh thank god, for a moment there I thought you were going to embrace pacificism and nonviolent resistance.
This is false.
Ah Bethany, funny how we always seem to run into each other when the city is being razed to the ground.
That's right, we've finally graduated from Escape from LA references to Escape from New York! Bioware's bringing out the big guns now!
Haha yeah, my mage sister who's been on the run from the templars since birth, really here to cheer them on.
Probably should have changed out of your Warden armor then, there might be a little backlash over this...
"I blamed you for keeping me alive instead of letting me die or turn into a darkspawn."
As a bonus, nothing about the gameplay experience has changed since act 1 anyway!
So we're heading to the gallows, when all of a sudden, we get distracted by the siren song of trash mobs.
Noice, Deus Ex reference. Goldmine.
Another mage pushed to deminic possession by templar brutality. When will this cycle of violence end?
Well, okay, but only because the game won't let me proceed until I do.
In a rare acknowledgment of in-game choices, the mage trash mob DOESN'T attack you this time around.
Then we get to the harbor, because actually letting you use in-game map to get to the gallows would be way too easy.
Plus, think of all the thrilling combat you'd miss!
And finally, we get another thrilling pre-rendered cutscene as our boat(???) approaches the gallows!
Yes, let's get this game over with quickly!
Is this it? Is this the final confrontation?
Oh man, it looks like it! Neither side's gonna back down!
There are two types of mages: house mages and field mages. I think it's clear who the house mage is here.
Again, the Kirkwall populace is a nonentity for this entire game.
I was hoping for an ending, period.
That was obvious like 30 hours ago.
I'm disappointed in myself too.
Alright, this is it. This is the final battle. Let's do this.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
I don't know why we couldn't have the final boss battle right now and instead had to break the forward momentum of this sequence by introducing some forced retreat, but I guess that's why I'm not a big league Bioware game designer right now, and also why I can't get any grade-A Hepler-quality vagina.