Friday, February 3, 2012

This Epilogue Is A Charade

So Valerie allied herself with Gamlen's long lost daughter Charade, and they killed an entire platoon of mercenaries that Charade had somehow hired despite having no apparent means of obtaining such wealth. Oh and there was a gem involved somewhere?
Hahaha, Gamlen sucks, huh?

Haha yeah, Gamlen sucks.

Well, I'd assume you meant it as one?

Reminder: you acted surprised that Gamlen never told Valerie about you.

Or, you know, kick the door in and kill everyone in the house. That always works when Valerie tries it.

But hiring several dozen mercenaries, that'd go swimmingly!

Wow, it's almost like you might not know him at all? #whoa #wow

And by "smells" I mean "smells your used panties". Oh also he doesn't bathe and stinks like shit.

Actually, valerie won't even let Gamlen into her mansion without putting on a hyperbaric bubble because she's afraid he might get poor on something.


But yeah, why not try acting like a normal fucking person for once?

I... I don't care.

Says the man who still resents Valerie for not letting him kill his sister.

I don't even know who's saying this but it doesn't matter, it's still ridiculous because nobody in this party is remotely capable of having a rational emotional reaction to anything.

You look so happy about it.

And with that we instantly teleport to Lowtown in media res.
How do you not even notice your wife is pregnant?

Reminder that she only told Charade about Gamlen last year.

Oh my god could they not make him look like a sleazy child molester for just one scene?

This scene is so unintentionally perverse.

Valerie said, her voice dripping with innuendo.


Well, you said it last time we talked to you, but then you got all pissy as soon as money came up.

Hey remember that gem this quest was supposed the be about? Neither do the writers, because there's no resolution on that plot point at all!

Oh look, there's a letter waiting for us back at home!
Jesus Christ, how many visits with Gamlen did you get in on the the 30 minute walk Valerie took from Lowtown to Hightown?

Here's another one:


  1. This was made by Bioware, right? A multimillion dollar company backed by one of the biggest game publishers today? Then why does this game have the worst fucking model rigging in the history of all time. I mean, fuck me, those goddamn eyebrows, shit.

  2. "Hey, you're my cousin. Didn't dad tell you about me? Oh, I never even knew I had a father until mom died. And my father doesn't know about me, either."

    I wish Charade was a companion like Bethany and Carver because I would LOVE letting her die in the Deep Roads. Also I can't unsee the fact she looks older than Mama Hawke.

    1. Oh goddamnit she does. Ugh, thanks for that.

    2. "Leandra, time has not been kind to you! You look almost as old as my daughter!"