Saturday, February 25, 2012

So Long And Thanks For All The Trash


Valerie's face also adorned the t-shirts of teenage socialists across Thedas.

Like literally everyone in the circle tower died though?

I feel like I've done a really good thing today.

Yeah, especially Isabela. That bitch was LONG gone.

That's a roundabout way of saying "Hawke was a really angry drunk".

That's it. That's all the acknowledgement of this epic romance that we're going to get, and there wasn't even a sex scene in act 3. I fucking knew I should have gone with Fenris.

For example, in the pictured telling, Valerie is apparently a male mage for some fucked up reason?

The legend of the shittiest game ever fucking made.


Wow this story was so complex and multilayered and ambiguous.

Mr. Tethras, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may The Maker have mercy on your soul.

Wait, she's a templar? I thought she was a "seeker of the chantry". She's not wearing templar armor or anything oh my god why am I even thinking about this.

"Because I really need to ask her what bars I should hit on Kirkwall pub crawl this year."

A violent amoral drunk with extremely poor impulse control and a predilection for inappropriate "humor". Truly, the greatest of all negotiators.

God, I hope so.

Yeah, there certainly are dark times ahead. Those dark times are the continuation of this franchise.

LELIANA? WHAT A SHOCKING REVEAL oh wait no I don't care at all.

Yeah, it's almost like Bioware is trying to avoid having to carry over player characters from the previous game into the sequels? Whoa.

What's the original plan? Buy Dragon Age III to find out! Or not! Who knows what plot threads actually matter in this franchise!

Look how great things worked out last time people put faith in Bioware.

Leliana stares at her copy of Dragon Age: Asunder and realizes that it's only going to get worse from here.

So okay, I could put in a youtube of the credits here with the Dragon Age 2 themesong by Grammy nominated band Florence and the Machine but I'm pretty sure nobody on this fucking planet actually wants to watch that so let's get to what really matters.

This was such a fucking turd. Eat shit, Bioware.


  1. Bra. Fucking. Vo
    This entire motherfucking LP was a catch, and I'm glad I caught it. Now to wipe this from my bookmarks and browser history, and go on with my life.

    1. I haven't even done the fanart update yet, with unseen horrible smutbeast work in progress!

  2. Gahahahaha, that video was fucking sweet.
    Especially the, er, subliminal messages.
    Oh well, thanks for introducing me to this joyous, glorious piece of history that is called Dragon Age 2, which I have thoroughly enjoyed now in both game and LP (and soon an anime starring Gackt and then who knows? maybe a crossover with FF7?)! The characters of Anders, Fenris, Valerie Hawke and everyone are now forever etched in my heart and, every time I play Dragon Age 2 again, I will fondly think of them.
    Oh, and fuck you Zorak, Tomino is a hack, CCA sucks shit and you can't moderate to save your life. Squee~ #^o^#

    1. Tomino's best when he's doing a light hearted show like Daitarn 3, Overman King Gainer and Combat Mecha Xabungle, of course everyone sucks off Gundam so much they don't even think of the better shows he's done. For the Record ZZ Gundam was one of the better UCs and it's everyone's fault that they are massive tools who don't understand the man loved following Tragic stories with Goofy stories (Zambot to Daitarn, Ideon to Xabungle) and can't just learn to laugh at the absurdity of the series.

      CCA still sucks and Zorak is a tosser though. so hey 2 1/2 out of 3 aint bad

    2. What's CCA?

      Also, congrats on toughing it out and showcasing the Daikatana of the new decade. Now let us never speak of it again.

    3. CCA = Char's Conterattack, a movie about forced exposition, terrible life choices and Amuro actively ignoring the plot so he can keep scowling at walls.
      Tomino's kill-em-all vibes are awesome, and I love Zeta and Victory for just how hilariously grimdark they are. Tomino has had some great ideas, but he liked to project his depression onto his works...which isn't unlike Hepler projecting her sick hunger for yaoi onto her games.

      Also I refuse to believe anything can be better than Zeta at comedy. I'M DEAD SERIOUS LT. EMMA LET ME SHOW IT TO YOU BY REMOVING MY HELMET IN SPACE!

    4. Man I really need to watch Gundam for myself at some point.

    5. Char's Counter Attack, considered the ending to the 'Early UC' series of Gundam UC. It's a movie and honestly not a very good one.

    6. Bah, I had the captcha up wow did I miss the timing.

      Anyway Algus, Tomino can be hilarious unintentionally, but when he's actively trying he's awesome. Happy Tomino FAR exceeds Depressed Tomino

      Overman King Gainer AKA the show where NO ONE DIES (Except two of the villains, but they were dicks anyway)

      In the words of Jiron Amos "I wont die! this is an Anime!"

  3. Yeah, I'm glad you stuck with it. You got a raw deal at SA, but I hope you keep doing LP's. Fallout had potential. That video was a nice touch. Cheers.