Friday, February 10, 2012

This Is David Gaider's Pet Character

So Valerie got a letter from King Alistair of Fereldan inviting her to meet him at the viscount's keep. let's head over there.
Hahaha! The famed Bioware wit is back in a big fucking way, baby!

Deals in fact, not opinion. Negotiations are over.

So is your face.

Those verbal ripostes, this quick wit... could Valerie have found the one man that could replace the Arishok in her heart? Probably not, but the prospect of being a Queen is looking mighty appealing right about now.

The zingers are flying hot and heavy tonight at the Viscount's keep! Diplomacy at its finest right here.

It's awesome to think that everyone in Kirkwall treats Alistair like an annoying piece of shit even though he's the king, because let's face it: he is.

I'm pretty sure there is no way for Loghain to survive Dragon Age: Origins if Alistair is made king without marrying Anora, and this playthrough does not use an Anora marriage. Bioware continuity!

Haha, remember that time we made a callback to a previous game?

I'd think you'd be used to it by now considering that you spent the entirety of Origins getting emasculated by Morrigan.

Valerie glosses over her time with the Arishok, not wanting to reopen the old wounds of her unrequited love.

I want to be a Viscount.

Oh come on, it'll be just like all those times the monarch of Britain appointed American governors.

Valerie wants to burn this shithole to the ground and piss on the ashes. Finish what the Arishok started. Maybe then he would love her.

This city is fucking doomed.

Neither are these graphics, hachachacha!


  1. If you have Isabela with you here Alistair says "Isabela! You look different." and Isabela says: "Don't we all."

    Fucking brilliant.

  2. He didn't say "Swooping is bad?" I'm certain he says it somewhen in this scene. Could be my loathing of this dummkopf playing tricks with my memory? Naaaah. It's gotta be there, because Bioware.

    1. Yeah, the "swooping is bad" line gets recycled in this scene.

      You know, just in case there was anyone who didn't roll their eyes at it the first time.

      Also, I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt and think they deliberately made Alistair look shitty to convey that The Taint is slowly but surely catching up with him. That would've been a cool thing to convey. But this is Act III and benefit of the doubt fled town in the middle of the night long ago. Plus for as shitty as he looks, its not shitty in a weathered, or corrupted, or prematurely aged way (and Anders looks just fine on this front). Ah well.

      And yeah, it's nice to see that 7-10 years into Alistair's reign and he still hasn't learned to act like a king. Thedas is supposed to be grimdark, and DA2 is allegedly darker sexier better, Alistair should have at least graduated to capriciously executing peasants for poaching on his land by now.

      Teagan DOES look like a guy who's had the shitty job of handling Alistair's shit for him for a decade and is so tired of it, just so tired, by now though. Points for that, at least, I suppose.

    2. They could have tried slipping something about cheese in somewhere. Because Alistair sure does fucking love cheese!

  3. I'm not sure which is worse. King's in any age/era are a big deal, but only in DA2 would all the characters trade barbs with a monarch like they were waiting in line with bros at the 7-11. But then again, it's Alistair so it kind of seems appropriate and that makes the thing all the more pathetic.

  4. And by barbs I totally mean unwitty, lukewarm repartee.

  5. So I was looking at the first screens and I noticed
    1) Meredith's sword clips through her a cutscene
    2) the handle features a stylized skull, in case you forgot she's EEEEVIIL

    Also, the templar in the "Loghain still lives" screenshot. He's in a very...peculiar...stance. Like he's actively listening to the conversation and wants to convey to the party (or to the player) that no, not even he gives a fuck.