Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Kirkwall Tea Party Is NOT A Hate Group

Alright, satanic rock out of the way, let's focus on the big picture now: clearing Aveline's name so that the city guard will continue to turn a blind eye to our templar murder sprees.
Despite the fact that we have spent this entire act publicly killing templars in broad daylight, Cullen's happy to see us.

The first half of this sentence is a perfect description of my feelings upon completing this game.

Oh no. Not the position of guard captain. How ever would Kirkwall survive without that.

Um, Valerie was asking how many templars she had to kill to make this go away, who gives a shit about the complaints?

Because she's making them?

Oh boy, I wonder what we'll find in Lowtown?!

welp.

How could you do this to me? Remember all the good times, like when Aveline deliberately gave Donnic better patrols than you because she wanted to fuck him?

Valerie's got a buzz on and her killin' knife within arm's reach.

Valerie hasn't forgotten. She sheds a tear for each life needlessly lost every night, dreaming of the day her true love will finally return to Kirkwall's blighted soil.

Occupy Darktown.

I'm sorry that I played this game.

Alright, let's see what's going on in Darkt-

welp.

Hey, you can laugh at the crowd, but that's twice as many people as turned up to the last occupy Costa Mesa protest.

lol is this Dragon Age or the 2011 Republican primary debates?

So did everyone else involved in this game.

"The Kenyan with the muslim name!"
-Rick Perry

Literally everyone in this game, actually.

And he would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you darn dog lords!

He leads a lonely life.

That's because as far as I can tell the guard don't do fucking anything in Kirkwall ever.

Fortunately nobody in the party busted out laughing at this point, because let's face it, who would willingly live in this shithole?

That's right, you've won a signed copy of Brett Easton Ellis's postmodern fiction classic less than zero! Valerie, give him his prize!

Or we could just beat everyone to death. That works too.

-Me, to myself, every time I look at this blog.

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You still think anything in this game has a meaning?

      Delete