Sunday, February 19, 2012

You Got Mage In My Templar! You Got Templar In My Mage! pt. 3

Bethany has been kidnapped. Valerie thirsts for vengeance. She knows what she must do:
Visit Fenris.
"I bought it off, only cost me like a hundred forty nine bucks!"

Dude, check out those sick textures!

His neck is so fucked up that his tattoo textures don't even connect right now.

Valerie sure as shit doesn't, she can't even equip it.

Fun Fact: the sword never glows in-game, even when Fenris is using it.

Anyway, let's head to the Wounded Coast.

Remember this previously irrelevant character I relegated to a "deleted scenes" imgur album? He's back, in mandatory quest form!

Normally you'd expect Valerie to be a little more sympathetic to a fellow addict but at this point she's just eager to get out of here.

I say this every time I log into this blog.

Wow. The moral ambiguity is blowing my mind here.

In this way, videogame writers are a lot like mages.

How fucking stupid are you people?

Despite taking this quest from Orsino, everyone in this encounter acts like you're working for Meredith.

Wait, seriously?

Oh my god you are the worst hostage negotiator ever.


This is it. This is the payoff for saving those blood mages back in Act 1.

You only say that because you never met the Arishok.

This dude is the hugest retard pussy ever, he teams up with bloodmages twice and backs out both times.

That worked out so well last time you tried it.

You really haven't been paying attention to this game, have you?

The texture work in this game is simply stunning.

Yeah, you do that.

Strangely, the templars have absolutely no problem fighting alongside a literal abomination that just killed one of their own members with blood magic right in front of them.

So um, how's that whole "killing the Champion" thing working out for you?


  1. Here's a fun game! Try to match Fenris's arm postions in, like, that fifth pic. Winner is the first person to curse Gaider's name

  2. Gahahahahahaha! This quest is the very essence of Dragon Age 2!
    The grey morality! "Should I help she-Hitler or should I help human WMDs?"
    The importance of choice! Remember those mages you captured/saved and were later arrested/captured by the Templars? Now they want to kill you for capturing them/killing a crazy human WMD that happened to be their leader!
    The gratification! You save your sister, and she...goes back to the Wardens!
    The narrative! Orsino asks you to investigate on people who just so happen to have taken hostage your sister in case you wouldn't help them when they'd eventually attack Meredith, the very woman you've been opposing since the start of this act and, as you go and tell them to stop this shit, they attack you even though you killed the Arishok one-on-one (shut up, you killed the Arishok because the Gaider said so!) and the Templars who were all "Meredith is a bitch" have no issues fighting alongside a bunch of blood mages and an abomination!
    And the epic conclusion! Guess what? There isn't any! Just like the rest of the game, mandatory quests are just filler shit between one trash mob and the next!