Monday, February 6, 2012

Hawke The Bounty Hunter pt.1

Alright, we've done our part to overthrow Meredith for today, let's get back to helping her! Time to track down some mages. We can do the spoiled rich shit, the violent one who's already killed a shitload of templars, or the oppressed minority in the slums.

Time to hit the ghetto!
It's cool how she looks exactly the same as Enchanter Orsino in profile.

Oh, such manners! Fenris; break her fingers.

Reminder: Merrill lives here.

Funny story, the same thing happened with my grandmother once my uncle fled Thailand for reasons that the Thai police wouldn't explain to my mother when they called her at 4AM asking if he had contacted anyone.

Pfft, typical women. all hugs and kisses until you can't live up to her imaginary boyfriend Edward Cullen.

"Speaking of which, are you doing anything later? You're a little manlier than I'm used to, but fuck it, I've got a few shots in me and Anders is nagging me about visiting his place again."

I like to assume this means the old Huon had absolutely no aspirations of a better life.

Oh, well aren't we Captain Save-A-Ho, Fenris?

Valerie's an extremely perceptive person, Nyssa. you should trust her.

Oh, Valerie's got all the help he needs mysteriously floating a couple inches off her back.

Yeah, a peaceful resolution to this seems like a pretty realistic expectation. Let's meet back here in a few hours.

Later that night...

*bum bum bum bum ba-da-ba-DUM ba-da-ba-DUM ba-da-ba-DUM*

Just an alienage girl
livin' in a lonely world...

Just a mage from Kirkwall
livin' in the chantry circle...
They took a railroad plot
full of Gaider fail...

So romantic~

Nyssa's so glad she took Valerie's relationship advice. Look how happy she is!


 NOT Awesome!

Okay, maybe Valerie jumped to a hasty conclusion based on incomplete evidence but we can't really hold that against her, can we?

Self aware dialogue! Bioware does it again! Bioware does it a-fucking-gain! Thurman

Yes, that would seem to be a reason that people oppress mages.

Yeah Fenris, fucking gloat about it some more why don't you?

See, someone doesn't appreciate how smug you're being.

Oh no, a blood mage AND a shade? How ever will Valerie survive this epic battle?


Oh wait it wore off pretty quickly.


  1. Huon looks like he should be saying "BRAINS..."

  2. They run off, they dabble in blood magic, they consort with demons but honestly when they're sporting the Travis Bickle haircut you know they're not going to turn out well in life.

  3. So what the hell is up with Nyssa's neck in that last screenshot before she dies?
    Also, how nice of Valerie to only show up after the psychotic blood mage killed his victim!

    1. Is THAT what happened? I honestly couldn't with the completely fucked-up model in that screenshot.

    2. Yup, it's hard to tell when someone dies in a cutscene because they don't explode in a cloud of blood and innards.

    3. really they need to have a shot of the dagger actually penetrating the stomach because most of the time it just looks like they're hugging someone and then they fall down dead.

  4. See! You can't side with the Templars because they're all Nazi's and you can't side with the Mages because they are all evil Blood Mages!

    Except for Anders, Hoo Boy except for Anders

    1. Blood mages cut themselves, that's emo.
      Templars, however, are Nazis and do drugs, and winners don't do drugs. seems Valerie did Bethany a favor by making her a Grey Warden. At least she doesn't have to live in Kirkwall and follow Gaider's retarded "story".