Monday, January 23, 2012

I Love My Dead Gay Trash Mob

Alright guys, home stretch of act 2 here. It's a straight line from here to the finish, nothing but plot quests.
It's your own fault for not using protection.

"My faggot son... is not home."


There is literally nothing about living in Kirkwall to be proud about.

I wish I wasn't playing this game.

So for some reason instead of just walking to the Qunari compound through the streets of Kirkwall like she has literally every other time she's gone there, Valerie has to go through the sewers.
Surprise, there's a trash mob!

The correct answer is the programmers, wanting to artificially lengthen their quest by padding it out with unnecessary combat.

I hope so too, because he better not be cheating on me!

Hi, sexy~

Why must we lie to cover up our true emotions?

A subtle commentary on post 9/11 anti-Muslim/Borg prejudice from the pen of David Gaider.

I really don't care one way or the other whether he wants to have the entire compound run train on him.

At no point is the viscount's opposition ever depicted in this game.


mdom fans extremely disappointed by this turn of events.

You could have told me that awhile ago, but I know why you didn't. I feel it between us too.

I've actually lost track of how many times in this game someone's fallen into an obvious trap because someone sent them a fake letter. Probably just 2, but more than once is more than enough.


Yet for some reason Valerie's never attempted to kill her. Oh yeah, because that would derail the Bioware plot train.

Does it demand I uninstall this game? Please say it does.

So Valerie and her gang head to the chantry to catch up with Saemus.
Only to find Saemus on his knees, a position he's all too comfortable in.

Valerie leans in, ready to whisper "...fag" in his ear.

Well. What a surprise this is.

You're right, it was me! I confess to everything!

It bears repeating, I wish I could actually work for the Qunari in this game.

I worked hard to inherit my dad's prosperous import/export company with connections to the Antivan Crows and I'm not going to let any dog lords or Qunari take away anything they didn't earn. I am the 53%.

Actually, that's the best part of the plan.

You know, it seems like the only reason Valerie ever goes to church is to kill a shitload of people.

Hell yes, let's murder the FUCK out of those gullible civilians!

Oh look, it's chantry pope!

Everyone's behaving in a remarkably diplomatic manner considering the mountain of corpses Hawke just left littering the floor of a church.

"Which is totally worse than the 2 dozen people I just killed in my name."

Someone actually thought this line was clever enough to commit it to paper, have an actress deliver, and then include in the game itself.

Keep digging that hole.

Yo, i'm an atheist. Deal with it Duke Dog

It's a testament to how goddamn incompetent petrice is that the Grand Cleric will take the word of a blood splattered lunatic accompanied by 2 apostate mages over that of a mother of the chantry.






Remind me again why the Qunari are supposed to be the bad guys?

"Eh, one more dead body. Whatevs. No biggie."

The sacred trust to stomp the living fuck out of every last goddamn mage is the cornerstone of any society.

It may not be what you're looking for, but may i suggest converting to the Qunari by David fuckshit Gaider?

Whatsamatter? QQ baby can't deal with the death of a family member? A bloo bloo bloo


  1. Jesus, who the hell kept approving shitty jokes made at the expense of the dead IN THE PRESENCE OF THEIR RELATIVES!?

    I just can't believe anyone thought that would make for a relatable character. Witty Hawke is the worst person in this game.

  2. As bad as she is, I have a feeling 'nice' Hawke and 'evil' Hawke are just as bad, if not worse. Just a hunch.

  3. I just read this for the commentary since I've already played this bad game