Monday, January 30, 2012

This Will Go Somewhere Eventually

Fenris may be busy sulking about how Valerie wouldn't let him kill his sister, but Valerie's got a good buzz going and a note telling here where to go to kill some Templars. And what a coincidence, it happens to be just a few yards away from the Hanged Man!
Sadly I can't say the same, as I willingly installed this game.

Yeah. We've been standing here the whole time.

So the white wall of silence kicks in as the Templars attempt to cover up their police brutality, but Valerie is having none of it.

Three waves of trash mobs later...
I think I already made a "this is Sparta!" "joke" so I'm not gonna do it again.

Well, now that Valerie's gotten her daily killing spree out of the way, it's time to check in on our friends and family. First stop: Gamlen's house!
Meanwhile, all Valerie's doubts about Gamlen proved to be completely accurate.

Don't worry, it won't last long.

I wish it was still in the grave, along with the entire city of Kirkwall.

On the way out, Valerie notices a letter on Gamlen's desk and, out of respect for Gamlen's privacy, immediately reads it.
A... gem you say?

 Shep Face.

Way too late for that, gamlen.

Okay, #1, you lost our fortune and our home to gambling debts, and #2 who's Mmara- oh wait I don't give a shit.

You... just said it was "our fortune".

I love you too, Uncle Gamlen.

And now, some scenes from the streets of Kirkwall:
The art team didn't give the elves any shoes because that would have been too much work for them. (This is the actual reason David Gaider provided.)

Anders and Fenris have a lively debate:
Fenris. We just wiped out several dozen Templars who were about to execute an innocent woman in the street.

Have you ever thought that turning all mages into lobotomized sword enchanting rape-dolls might be not far enough, hmmm?

Oh no, don't drag Valerie into this.

IValerie sure doesn't. Hell, she's fucking one!

So are you talking about Anders or Merrill here?

Aveline married Guardsmen Donnic, BTW:
Especially those sideburns... Swoon


Nice to see that wandering the docks with your friends takes priority over summoning demons.

A statue has been erected at the docks to commemorate Hawke saving the city:
Ummm... that isn't what happened. At all.

Aveline and Anders have a heart to heart:
I'm pretty sure it's night time now.

Hahaha, so Anders, can't believe you haven't killed a shitload of people yet. Good job!

 Cave Smith

Merrill is a fashionista:
It's fierce.

 America ruins another perfectly good Japanese meme

Come on Anders, it's not like she said yo robe looks like a dishrag. (It does.)



  2. This game is what happens when all the leads are buddies, and so there is nobody in any actual position of authority who can say "this game is shit."