Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Rolling In The Deep Roads pt.1

So Valerie and crew are wandering the streets of Kirkwall, looking for weapons to buy and booze to chug, when suddenly they find themselves rudely interrupted.
I wonder if David Gaider ever gets tired of "You'll have to be more specific. I insert action here a lot of insert subject here."

Clearly they didn't hear the stories about the interminable fucking tedium before we got into the Deep Roads.

Yeah, that's right, blame the victim.

More quests should let you point out how fucking stupid every participant in them is TBQH.

Okay, what in that conversation remotely made you think Valerie was interested in helping you?

Because you're in a Bioware game.

So the party heads into the Deep Roads and quickly stumbles across this sorry sack of shit pissing himself in a corner.
Seriously, what the fuck is with dwarves and locking their brothers in the Deep Roads?

Hmmm, a certain idea is gestating in my ale-sodden brain...

Thank you, Fenris.

I don't care about your brother. thank you, I'm taking the sword.

So the party passes a locked door with the sounds of pounding and terrified cries of "OH BY THE STONE! DARKSPAWN EVERYWHERE! THEY'RE EATING MY FINGERS ONE BY ONE! THE AGONY!" and head off in search of our sure-to-be-trash quest loot. Instead we find some dwarven shitbag about to get owned by darkspawn.

Valerie's only saving him because she wants the map to the Heartdrinker so she can spend as little time in here as possible.

"Namely, anyone other than mine's."

 Alvash -Iwan

 Heh. -Hawke

Erm, fenris? So did Valerie.

Iwan opens negotiations with an ambitious bid.

Valerie, however, has a far more compelling offer.

That's not the only thing I'm going to "use" my "rod" on if you know what I mean... ladies

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