Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Qidnapped Qunari pt.1: The Greatest Update Ever Told

Hey, remember that neighborhood that got gassed like a Duke Nukem Forever thread in Games? Turns out we still haven't told the Viscount about it. Time to remedy that!

 Don't flatter yourself, Gaider.

Actually, he'd beat your face in with it.


"How do you lose track of a group of 8-foot tall shirtless dudes with huge horns?"

Seneschal Bran? Don't you mean...

Seneschal Internet Kraken???

Kraken? Oh dear, one time I put a crack in the Keeper's favorite Halla statue and she gave me a glare that could curdle milk! Poor milk, it was only there to feed the kittens I saved from a werewolf in the Brecilian Forest.

Whatever dude, at least I don't fuck extremely unconvincing tranvestite hookers.

Damn, this chaser just got SCHOOLED by the Hawkemeister!

Hahaha Aveline's here to stick up for her troupe of incompetent fuckwits.

And she gets shut down!

Dude, there's only like 4 locations in Kirkwall total, I'm pretty sure you can figure it out if you think about it.

I was gonna guess the whorehouse, but that works too.

So we head over to Qunari Ugly and look for the most likely suspect.
Wow. He's not even trying to be subtle about it.

You got some money, and Valerie wants it.

What is Kirkwall coming to when you can't even trust a fellow dog lord to back you up?

Your funeral, dude.

And so Hawke and company slaughtered an entire barful of patrons while Guardsman Donnic stood stationary, impassively watching us. The Kirkwall guard proves once again why they're the best at what they do! 

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