Monday, January 23, 2012

An "Unexpected" Development pt.1

Well, if the Viscount doesn't appreciate Valerie's humor, perhaps it's time to head elsewhere where she'll be more appreciated. Open mic night at the Hanged Man sounds good. But first, time to head home and pregame.
Sorry Aveline, nothing's more important than getting my drink on right now.

DAAAAAAAMN, no she di'nt!


Well howdy pardner. Just got back from the Kirkwall ro-day-o, lasted 9 seconds on a bucking bronto!

I don't give a shit.


Valerie, having started hitting the bottle already, needs concepts explained to her in the simplest of terms.

Actually I'd completely forgotten that plot point, thanks for reminding me!

Let them. The sooner the Qunari wipe Kirkwall out, the better.

Well, that's some of the least subtle foreshadowing ever.

Gee, I wonder who...

Ican't figure out a clever way to tie this line into the statement "This game? Shit."

Actually, I'm just trying to put off fighting the Qunari as long as possible in hopes that this will give them the edge they need to win.

She fucked me. You didn't.

But yeah, this too.

Ugh, fiiiiine, as long as I can get back to drinking once we're done. I've got a handle of Old Antivan Crow calling my name here.

She would have gone anyway, just to gaze upon the Arishok's chiseled, masculine features.

Actually, a retarded baby could predict most of the plot twists in this game.

You could've been so much more. We could have had it allllll, rolling in the deeeep roads~

Come fucking on, nothing in this story makes any sense.

I don't know why anyone would want this story to be longer than it already is.

The only thing I owe David Gaider is a world of pain.

Now, let's hear the true story of what happened on the way towards that warehouse in Lowtown:
That's right: Dog Lord genocide.


  1. Am I the only one who thinks that Gaider will retroactively dismiss every decision Hawke made in DA2 as being the result of an "unreliable narrator"?

    1. Smart man, absolutely anything they didn't like they can explain as "VARRIC WAS LYING/EXAGGERATING"

    2. "And then Hawke took Merrill as her lover and nomnomed her head..."
      "You didn't say that last time, Varric."
      "I was lying. Anyway, after the nomnoming, they gigglesqueed... and when Hawke sided with the Mages, well..."
      "I distinctly remember you saying Hawke sided with the Templars."
      "Must've been drunk. So then..."

    3. And I sure as hell hope you guys think anyones going to stay dead. Except this time when the people go "But I killed 70% of my party, why the fuck are they back" Gaider will just put on his toupee, grin and say "Oh, Varric was lying"

      You know it's funny as hell that people go "Oh all the waves make sense, Varric is just exaggerating how many enemies there are" as if that changes the fact it's shit as hell

  2. Varric doesn't need to, because nothing Hawke does matters. Anything of importance to Herr Commissar von Gothmakeup here would've happened without Hawke anyway.

    Even better - she's not even a protagonist. A girlfriend of.