This thread is no longer acceptable.
It veers off topic more than a drunk fishtails on a back country road. Posting is crap, effort is flaccid, and frankly the LP itself defines mediocrity in new and tepid ways. Much like Dragon Age 2, this thread is filler. It is white noise. It is a radio tuned to an obscure AM channel playing day opera radio serials in a language you've never heard. It makes sense only because it speaks the universal lingua franca of failure. How fitting.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Qunari Qonundrum pt.2
Alright, let's go check on the mages, who are mysteriously in the middle of Hightown instead of the Gallows all of a sudden.
Why, who's this distinguished looking older gentleman?
Oooh, and so polite too! Anders better hope Valerie doesn't have some daddy issues!
I thought this was Alain, the dude from the blood mage quest in Act 1, but he shows up in act 3 so I guess it was just a different mage using the exact same character model.
You told them to run, but you did not warn them about stairs.
That's right, this handsome elven gent is none other than Kirkwall's first enchanter! You may remember him from when Valerie turned into him after entering Feynriel's dreams. I wish I didn't, because that quest was bullshit and there wasn't even any good loot in it.
Can you feel the love tonight?
Oh yeah, tellin' it like it is! Valerie's a take charge kind of woman comfortable in positions of authority, whether in a Qunari invasion, or in the bedroom (which might be the same thing in her case! )
Yeah, "This is your city as well as mine." Shut up bitch.
Mainly because she's too busy complaining that you're still alive.
Okay, here's my plan:
Hahaha but seriously, what are they up to? Despite telling me that that they're gonna burn down the city because they're mad they can't find a book. What do they really want here?
Shut up bitch.
Dude, it's just a bunch of chill bros waiting for the doors to open for the Kirkwall date of the Affliction 9:34 Dragon tour.
Wow, it's almost like they've been planning to occupy this city for years! Who would have thought?
Shut up bitch.
"We need a distraction! I propose a head-on assault!"
And with that, Orsino dashes off with his tentacle rape staff to distract the fuck out of some niggas.
"Uh, dude, we've been waiting in line for a while here, you can't just cut in and-"
"AAAAGH! You burned my fake ID, bro!"
Orsino has no sympathy for underaged hooligans attempting to illicitly purchase alcohol at a Pennywise concert, regardless of whether or not the profits are going to provide aid to Fereldan refugees.
Understandably, these young concertgoers are less than pleased.
Orsino causes a riot and Hawke and her friends sneak into the sold-out concert without paying a scalper. Everything went better than expected...
So let's check out whats going on in the Viscount's keep:
Yo, see you started the party without Valerie. Where's the keg at?
Yeah, I heard you were brutally murdering the citizens of Kirkwall unprovoked and I ran here as fast as I could to get in on the fun.
This is basically the only proof the game needs to offer that Hawke is the best, most important person in Kirkwall.
Aw, and I was really psyched to wreck Kirkwall, too.
Yeah, I'm disappointed with the anticlimax here too.
They'll say "Isabela loves to fuck," because damn, she does! It's true!
Yeah it is, you're really fuckin dumb.
Yeah you won't, because you're gonna get fuckin beat to death by the Qunari lol.
Wow, we're witnessing a first here, Isabela (who loves to fuck, btw) not wanting burly men to grope her all over and have their way with her.
Yes I have.
This is the crowning moment of Valerie's existence.