Thursday, December 1, 2011

Permabanned Pedophile The Eye Of Andraste pt.1

We head to the ruins and meet up with the guardsmen.
I guess you're the incompetent fuckwits the magistrate mentioned.

Abuhwhuuuuh? Wait, what?!

Valerie adds "people with murdered children" alongside "old-ass templars" and her mom on the list of uptight dicks who just don't appreciate her cutting edge humor.

Lucky for our elven friend, Valerie literally does not give a shit about due process.

 Rock on!

Actually, I've spent the entire game taking the law into my own hands and murdering my way across the Kirkwall underworld, and I've already got a puppet captain of the guard appointed, so I doubt pissing off some bitch magistrate is gonna make a difference.

Deal with it.

So we head into the ruins and find-
Lia's not as dead as previously expected.

She's a corpse animated by blood magic! Kill it again! Kill it again!

ot cool, Kelder. I mean, you've kidnapped their daughter and they're already in Dragon Age 2, hasn't her family suffered enough?

Valerie fondly recalls all her favorite methods of flirting with boys back in Lothering.

Apparently Kelder was struck by a fit of existential dread as he realized he too was a character in a Bioware game.


Erm, Lia, have you ever heard of a concept called "ephebophilia"?

Valerie doesn't even have time to deal with this Stockholm Syndrome shit, so she just lies and says what the kid wants to hear.

Heh. Yeah. He'll need all the help he can get once we're done with him.

Alright people, let's lay down some punishment.

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