The Qunari Gas Chamber pt.2

So around this point the party got ambushed which set me off on a huge companion quest chain for Fenris, but we'll save that detour for later in the interests of finishing this quest first.

Valerie and her crew pursue their leads to the Wounded Coast in search of Jaravis-

and are greeted by a trash mob of bodyguards.

I don't actually remember who's saying this, but as far as I recall, murdering everyone standing near your "old friend" and pissing yourself in terror at the sight of your "old friend" are both considered acceptable greetings in my neck of the woods.

Dude, of course we are. Who would ever voluntarily work for elves? (Elves are homo.)

That's crazy talk, Anders! Next thing you'll be saying longcat is too long!

Are you sure it wasn't a Dog Lord? That seems to be all they do.

If Jaravis is her cover, why is she trying to kill him? I mean, won't it be obvious when the recipe for gunpowder isn't on his corpse? It's almost like nobody considered the logistics of this plot at all!

Cool. Can't wait for this quest to take even longer.

Look bro, Valerie Hawke only does 2 things: quip and kill. And it didn't look like those bodyguards were gonna appreciate her Whedonesque wit, so that narrows the options.

Valerie shows Jaravis uncharacteristic mercy and allows him to get as far from this horrible story as possible.

Stealing the boots off a dead man? That's a new low even for you, Jewravis.

Valerie and company head back into Kirkwall and find themselves magically transported through space and time into the quarantine zone on Omega.

I AM ABOVE THE LAW

"Oh Hawke, you're so important for some vague reason that's never been explained!" This is beginning to read like self-insert fanfiction.

OHHHHHH! BURN!

Yeah bitch, you're so owned. So owned by the quips. QQ babby guardsman.