Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The Hawke's Nest
As Valerie ventures out of Viscount's Keep, she is confronted by a familiar face:
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY MOTHER
That's right, it's Bodahn!
Silly Bodahn, the residents of Kirkwall aren't all Asian and/or Black! (On a related note, at least they're recognizably human, unlike in a Gamebryo game.)
That's right, we hired Bodahn and Sandal! Now I can have my chimpface dwarven magical retard within arm's reach at all times!
I'm still kind of unclear on what exactly Valerie did to turn Viscount's Way into Hawketown, but whatever, it's probably irrelevant to the tale of the Champion's rise to power.
Hi mom. Hi Sandal.
Valerie changes into her stylish bathrobe and gets ready to kick back with a Game of Thrones marathon. Sadly, her leisure time is not to last.
Yeah, it'd be even nicer if I didn't have to run around the city on bullshit errands so I could actually relax, but now that you're here...
"And a 3 year time jump conveniently handwaving away actually having to figure out what I did to get here."
Valerie may have a mansion and be the most important person in Kirkwall, but when a chance to run errands for a payout of 3 gold comes along, you better believe she jumps on it.
It's usually polite to start by making eye contact with the person you're talking to.
Oh Aveline, you know I hate to watch you beat yourself up.
Remember that dude you repeatedly insulted and pissed off 3 years ago? He wants more of the same.
Silly Valerie, you can't fight a trash mob of Emerics, there's only one of him!
It's genuinely leading me towards the uninstall button. Does that count?
In a rare change of pace, mom seems to not be complaining?
And I'm gonna do it by running around darktown delivering herpes cream and any other random bullshit I pick up off the ground.
I knew it was too good to last.
That reminds me: time to check in on our harem!