Saturday, December 10, 2011

Balls Deep pt.3

Alright, dragon down, let's head deep into the deepest roads.
A different game?

Better idea: we go on ahead, take everything for ourselves, and Bartrand can go fuck himself.

You're welcome, you fuckin dick.

I accidentally deleted the screenshot where varric says "holy shit", so just pretend I wrote it in 72 pt comic sans at the top of this screenshot.

Bartrand, ever the adventurer, decides to press onward and see what we can discover. Haha just kidding, he tells everyone to make camp and stands around while Valerie does everything again.

Not pictured in this screenshot: any stalactites or stalagmites.

Nothing in this game is worth it.

Clearly the rubble and bones were what the Seeker of the Chantry was so mad about Valerie finding.

Actually varric, I'm pretty sure I can guess that we're gonna find a shitload of trash mobs and shit loot without even bothering to go down there.

In a shocking turn of events, Valerie finds no darkspawn, but rather golems and shades!

So after killing a bunch of ghosts and rock men with a bunch of piercing weapons, we make our way to a mysterious chamber:
Assuming that what you're seeing is a poorly textured mess of polygons, then yes.

"It's magic. And not the good kind. Let's take it back with us and see how much we can get for it!"

Look at how enthused he is.

Hawke reaches for the idol without a care in the world as to whether or not the altar is booby-trapped. You wouldn't last a minute searching for the lost ark, Valerie.

Glad that everything's going so well, absolutely nothing sinister here-

<Doorthinker> ( ' __ ' ) . o O ( Oh shit! The door! )

I don't know if I've mentioned it recently, but the writing in this game is truly awe-inspiring.

You can really see how much this is eating him up inside.

What a shocking and unexpected twist this was!

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