Balls Deep pt.5

And with our 6 gold and key in hand, we make our way to the door out of the lost thaig.

 

But such mirth and merriment is not to last long...

"Not bad" is such a relative term when it comes to anything involving this game.

Whoa. Could the foreshadowing we saw in a previous update be about to pay off?

Yeah, you're probably still just tripping balls. It's cool, you'll come down in an hour or two.

But only now. Couldn't sense it 5 days ago when she first started feeling it. Only once her veins actually turned black.

Haha yeah Bethany, you stupid fucking vapid.

Ore no Imōto ga Konna ni Kusatta Wake ga Na (My Little Sister Can't Be This Tainted)

You've been so useful so far.

You could always shank her in the heart like you did Wesley.

Yeah I hope you do a better job of this than you did detecting the blight festering in Bethany for nearly a week.

I wonder which one it is?

Thanks again, Anders. You're batting 1000 here.

BUT WAIT!

Who's this dashing gent with a dapper mustache?

Fancy meeting you here... Nnnnnnnnewman.

Sometimes a grey warden is needed to finish the fight. -Master Champion, Dragon Age 3

Oh great, another guy you fucked? Really, Anders?

Ahem... still here, you know? Main character?

Pretty much every grey warden recruitment in DA:O consists of Duncan rescuing you from your life going to complete shit, actually.

A powerful mage with some bomb-ass titties. Damn, girl!

"So get this: you chug darkspawn blood, and then if it doesn't kill you, you're psychically linked to the darkspawn and they can track you wherever you go so you can never hide from them, also you mind meld with any archdemon while you're dreaming, oh and you're eventually going to go insane and feel an overwhelming compulsion to head into the deep roads to your certain death. Any volunteers? Oh come on, why not?"

She's already dying, dipshit. It's not like you're going to make it any worse.

"That means you have to burn the photos of you dropping your balls on my forehead while i was passed out drunk in the backroom of The Pearl."

Suddenly, Valerie realizes the hell she has just placed herself into.

Bethany is taken away, and the rest of the party heads back to Kirkwall.

Ah, Kirkwall, I missed you so much. I'll never leave you again! (Seriously, the rest of the game is gonna take place entirely in environments we've already seen.)

The only way I'd be lucky was if this was the end of the game.

The best part? You can completely reject the quest to find Bartrand next act.

I'm sorry about installing this game.

Oh shit. This is gonna be awkward.

The overriding philosophy behind every "decision" you're given in Dragon Age 2.

(Alternately: There is always a choice! Life is a choice! I suggest you choice it while you can!)

6 gold.

And with that, Valerie heads home to the last scene of Act 1:

Pictured: Me when I realized there were still 2 more acts to go.