The Backwardsteve Marauders

So we're heading back to the barracks to- hey what's that?

Valerie regards the dead guardsman with a clinical glance.

Nice to see Aveline's neglecting her duties of reinforcing her subordinates and focusing on what really matters: getting porked.

It's both a smartass quip and a biting satire of the fundamentally limited nature of this game's entire design!

I laugh to cover up the pain.

That means nothing to me.

Holy shit you actually got trapped into playing a Bethesda game? That's the cruelest gameplay concept Bioware has implemented yet!

You're really in a position of authority here.

But rather... for a price.

I can't remember exactly what it was, but I'm gonna guess it was either 1 gold or 3 gold.

The last thing I need is more bullshit meatshields interfering with my right-clicks.

Truly, the Evets marauders were a formidable foe.

BOOYEAH

You know, I'm just gonna make a wild guess and say 'with their hands'. Just a hunch.

Are you telling me you haven't fucked one?

 

So we get back to the barracks and Valerie goes to talk to Aveline.

Haha just kidding fuck that. Time to get paid.

 

The Valerie Hawke Get Your Friends Laid Show pt.5

So when we last left off, we were getting ready to go do Aveline's job for her so she could get some Vitamin D (the "D" stands for "Dick")

"Waaah waah, it's so hard to banter while I'm fighting."

Valerie bravely slaughters a pack of stray dogs to light a torch.

Yeah, it sure is when I'm doing all your work for you.

me, reading jennifer brandes hepler's posts on the bioware forums.

Hell yeah, spawn them trash mobs!

I don't know about y'all, but my "blade" is pretty soft right now.

what

I'm pretty sure an autistic Bioware fan has more game than Aveline at this point. (Which one, they're all autistic. Heh.)

I agree. Oh, you didn't mean this whole game?

How have the slavers, raiders and man-eating stray dogs managed to peacefully coexist along the Wounded Coast up to this point?

I hate you.

I hate you so much.

At this point I'm convinced that Donnic might actually be fucking dumber than Merrill.

Yeah! Up against the wall, let's have it on right here!

Work that brow you sexy bitch

(Cries (Into a a pint glass of bourbon))

Because someone can't pull the trigger even though she's blatantly gagging for it.

Ha ha ha. Hey, Aveline? Go fuck yourself.